Sleep = Escapism

I figured that sleep is a form of escapism. I think i wrote about this a little earlier. I notice that i like to sleep whenever there's a problem or anything. I think it's because then you kinda avoid the problem for a little while more. And when you are sleeping, you don't think and ruminate about your problems as the day goes on...

And when you sleep, you get to dream about things like how you want it to be, you're in your own la-la land. You don't have to face the sad, disappointing, ugly reality for a little while longer.

But as all sleep goes, you have to wake up eventually, then the ugly reality comes rushing back like a freight train, in your face. And all the thoughts, memories, feelings come back and devour you whole.
Just a little note, i slept from 2am yesterday morning to 3.15pm today, woke up, ate abit, went back to sleep at 4.30pm until 9pm, woke up, ate abit, and now am here. And after this post is done, i will go back to sleep.

Gah!

Well...today has been an interesting day.

Classes were okay...i can't believe that one week has passed by so quickly. Maybe cos i wasn't really concentrating on the things i was doing this week, and was too busy daydreaming and my mind was preoccupied with the BouncingNinjaTurtle.

Let me ceritakan about my blah projects, which seems to be the same as always...
Projects class, this time we only have one major project. The usual drawing after drawing after drawing after sketchmodel after sketchmodel...Blehh, its getting to me. Well, this project is to create a Kiosk based on whatever theme you choose, like mine is Animal Prints, as in zebra stripes, leopard spots and others like that. I haven't gotten very far ahead in the project so thats about as detailed as it gets.

Drawing...We have to do this artwork on Crime. We all selected a newspaper cutting each on whatever crime catches your fancy. Mine is on this guy who was jailed for having sex with an underaged girl. So we have to pick out main keywords, like guy, sex, underaged girl and morph them into metaphors...to explain how you see the feeling behind the crime. The objective is to get people to think about the crime without pre-perceptions about the characters involved.

So i wanted to portray the guy as a predatory animal, like a lion or tiger, who crouches and waits to pounce on unsuspecting prey. But then a lion could mean bravery or sumthing like that so i decided to do a tiger. An evil looking grouchy old tiger.

Sex however took abit of thinking. I was thinking to bring out the joining of bodies. So i was thinking la, lock and key, entertwining branches...then I decided to use a bolt and nut. Haha..more appropriate i guess.

The underaged girl also was abit tough. I want to portray her as naive, just sprouted into the world and knowing nothing. So i thought babies?? But i decided on a sapling, or a newly sprouted tree. Gah...don't ask me why...same as above.

So i have to connect these three elements into my sketches ler...

Other than that, Malaysian studies is quite lively, more alive than i thought it would be. But i can't help it la. i feel so sleepy on Friday afternoons...

Thats so much for the update on College Life ...

The morning after

Yep, the morning after just sucks.

Puffy eyes and runny nose is the way to go.

Why ah? I know he's coming back.

That knowledge alone should comfort me.

But it doesn't. I don't know why.

Actually i know why la.

But this space is too public now.

Generating too many readers, and not all details are meant to be shared.

So that's it lah, for the morning after update.

Sigh. Back to the toil and troubles of college life.

Last Pics for a while

the whole bunch just before Derek left

The second pic right before he left

Two sesat nuts searching for Derek's plane...

Quote Derek's mum: Some things never change!

Aiyseh, still haven't found the plane

Going, going, gone

The BouncingNinjaTurtle has left Malaysia as of 2 hours ago.

It sucks.

That's all i have to say.

I suppose throwing myself into work and creating would be a great help.

People, this is a call for you to ask me out more.

Be a good distraction.

Ergh.

Desperate Moments

Waaah! He's leaving in 19 hours! That's less than a day! That's, that's a tragedy! A crime so heinous! No! Don't go! Ergh...yeah, i should save this for the actual person instead of giving it to all you guys.

I just came back from his place, was helping him clear and clean his stuff. My fingers have paper cuts, my hands are aching, my nails are chipped, my feet are sore and my nose is runny, and i would say that all these in exchange for a few more hours with him are so worth it. Sigh. Tomorrow i have class until four, i can't even be with him the whole day, just to properly see him off. I only get to see him after class just before he leaves. So sad.

So i cling to these desperate moments.

One more day

Wah! Sob, only one more day before he goes away. So sad. Okay okay, enough howling for one day. I can save it all for tomorrow.

One more day of... His oh-so-logical and rational solutions, explanations, advice, whatever, bla bla bla.

One more day of... His sesat hairstyle that looks like he cut it himself with a tempurung in the dark without a mirror.

One more day of... His unwanted lectures...i know, almost the same as the first one, but it is totally different.

One more day of... His constant friendship...although sometimes he has his momentary lapses.

One more day of... His royal asshole self... haha, when the evil side of him appears...not that i will miss it much though.

One more day of... The friendly teasing... although sometimes it makes me feel stupid...

One more day of... HIM!

Good things, Bad packages

Got a totally new timetable, tuesdays and wednesdays are half days...YAY! Unfortunately, it can't all be happy go lucky, cos friday is extended to 5.30pm. Dang! LAN subjects come in this semester too. I'm so lucky i don't need to take BM. Otherwise Tuesday won't be a half day for me. I have a good feeling about this semester, i hope i do better.

Well, its one more day before the BouncingNinjaTurtle leaves. Ergh. That so sucks. 6 months is like damn long okay? Besides, i start holidays in April, who am i gonna hang out with then? Cos everyone else is working, yer. Haha, i've been very selfish, and praying and wishing so hard that he doesn't leave. I have hopes that my prayers will be answered, but then...

Sigh. It's a good thing i know. It's like medicine. It's good for you, but it tastes damn shitty crappy bitter whatever. Or even begetables. Why do all the good things come in such sucky packages?

2005

I confess that in 2005 i...

stayed single
got your first kiss
kissed someone new
made-out for the first time
made-out in/on a car
kissed in the snow
kissed in the rain
fell in love
had your heart broken
broke someone else's heart
had a good relationship with someone
questioned your sexual orientation
came out of the closet
gotten pregnant
gotten someone else pregnant
had an abortion
gotten married
had a divorce
had a gay marriage
kissed someone of the same sex
dated someone you'll never forget
done something you've regretted
lost your true love
lost faith in love
kissed under mistletoe

School/College

got 4Flat for your finals
met one lecturer you really like
met one lecturer you really hated
found the subject you love
failed a class
cut class
skipped class
got into a fight with a classmate
did something you were'nt proud of
discovered a new talent
gave the lecturers a reason to teach
proved yourself an idiot
embarassed yourself in front of the class
fell in love with a teacher
got lead in the college play
made a varsity team
were involved in something you'll never forget

OTHER

painted a picture
wrote a poem
ran a mile
listened to music you couldn't stand
double-dipped
skinny-dipped
went to a sleepover
went to camp
threw a surprise party
laughed till you cried
laughed till you peed in your pants
flirted shamelessly
visited a foreign country
visted a foreign state
cooked a disasterous meal
lost something important to you
got a gift you adore
realized something new about yourself
went on a diet
tried to gain weight
dyed your hair
came close to losing your life
someone close to you died
went to a party
drank alcohol
drank alcohol underage
did (a) drug(s)
got drunk
got arrested
read a great book *Memoirs of a Geisha*
saw a great movie
saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
saw your favorite band/artist live
saw someone famous in person *Michelle Yeoh*
did something you want to tell everyone
enjoyed this year overall

Ergh, college

As you can see, the title is very aptly named. Cos, ergh, college. Starts today actually. Ergh. That's all i have to say. I am so not keen on going there to kena lecture on my future AGAIN when mum does is everyday at home. Gah.

Incredible!

In this time of self doubt, several people have been encouraging me along the way and the things they tell me really amaze me. They talk to me like they really believe that i can do this, i can do that, that i can do anything that i set my mind to.

I've been told that i'm very creative, talented and bright. Not that i'm kembanging but, aren't there many others who are also just as, if not more, creative, talented and bright? Why not use them? Why so much importance on me?

Then i recall someone, maybe he wasn't as young, but he was still reasonably young. Moses was also abit unsure of himself, kept asking why me, i don't even know if i can do these things and i don't think people will listen to me anyway. But God didn't need him to be able, i think. All He needed was for him to be there and God will equip him to do the rest. So that;s what i should do. Be there and let God do the rest.

New Year, New Slate

I've been praying for God to give me a new chance, a new slate for the year. Let me start over anew and change some things that i might have done wrong or have not done in the past. Things like college, which hasn't been going the way that i thought it would. And AFC, which has really taken up a lot of my time.

And so, today, i switched on my computer and what the hey... Clean slate! All my bookmarks on my browser disappears. Great. Note to self, next time be more specific when praying. You already know God has a sense of humour.

Dang.