Since my last post...

Since my last post, I've changed jobs.

Since my last post, I've gone to Thinking Theologically Conference on The Work of The Holy Spirit.

Since my last post, I have been thinking of what to write but have not had the time to write anything until now.

Since my last post, I have adopted the picture below as my theme song.

The dog days were gone for like... 5 minutes?

And they're back.

These four months have been a record for many things:
The most we've ever talked about real and important things since the beginning.
The most honest we've ever been about everything.
The most time i've had to practice cooking and have a few steady recipes under my wing.
The most relaxed time i've had to actually sit down and think.
The most difficult work of sanctification.
The most amount of tears ever shed.
And so on and so forth.

I wouldn't have given up these three months for anything.

I've learnt many things, which may surprise many, but i don't care.
I've learnt that in many ways, i am sinful, and of whatever sins i know of, i will repent. But also that, i cannot repent of things that is not a sin. Or at least, i'm not convinced that it is.
I've also learnt that you REALLY can't trust people. People misunderstand what you say or do, take what you say and do and use it against you. So i've got to learn to open up to people in a clear way, always clarifying and asking why. And expecting them to betray you anyway.
I've learnt not to expect apologies. Cos people are sinful. They don't know what they did, and sometimes even if they know, they're not sorry anyway. So i've got to tell them what they did, expect an apology and not be surprised if there isn't any.
And lastly, i've learnt that running away isn't going to help. It's only going to be a repeat of the same situations in a new place with new people. Sticking and sorting is the way to go, although i have also found it to be painful and angering and upsetting. Easier to take flight, but no solving the matter then.

So all in all, i learnt that i am sinful, people are sinful, but we still have to live with one another. Welcome to what is called the church.

No tips; but an update

Life has caught up with me.

I am now working in a kindergarten in our neighbourhood. The kids are adorable, but i hope i never hear another word about Angry Birds ever again. I think my chinese is probably improving. I have to try to understand what the kids are saying so that i know they are not up to mischief.

There are not very many nice shows on national tv to watch with a side of my ironing. I have finally organized most of the documents at home, but there still are some more piles somewhere. I had more than 5 copies of the songsheet for "We are God's people". There is a massive recycle pile near the door.

The dog days are ovah-huh! The dog days are go-o-o-one! but i don't think they've gone very far. Many talks, tears and hugs make a good relationship. Its putting gold through refining in the fire. A relationship without fighting makes a non-relating relationship, which is an oxymoron.

Oh yes, here's a tip for you even though i said no tips: If you want to make yourself cook, make sure that you buy all sorts of raw ingredients only when you buy groceries for the week (like raw meats and veg). That way, when you're hungry and go look in the fridge, you've GOT to cook. Haha.

Now i sit on my clothes vacated sofa and wait for the next wave to hit me. It's coming, i can feel it. But i'm gonna be okay. I have a bouy! It's called God's Providence.

A peek into the life

Well, after receiving my new camera from dad (thanks again, dad!), i had to test it out. Don't mind these lame shots, cos the rest of the house is messy, these were the only good parts *grin*. 

Our shared office, but this particular corner is mine. Corkboard & Table: IKEA.

I only like to use this desktop to do artwork. It's superfast but doesn't have an internet connection =( 

Spot the cleaning schedule!

The view from my bed, it's my favourite spot to sip my breakfast coffee, browse the latest posts in Google Reader and other things. 

After i do my browsing (and wait for the coffee to kick in), i'm out to potter around my little container garden, watering, snipping and poking at the curry leaf plant that hasn't sprouted yet. The rosemary almost died, but i managed to salvage some cuttings to regrow it. The mint is going crazy at the mo, in the big container and also in the fourth pot to the right of the big container. I just trimmed the lemon basil to the height of the rail to make pesto the other day, but it's already grown taller than the rail. The money plant is a funny one, Adrian just can't believe it, i keep cuttings in a vase with water, and it grows and grows and grows, even without soil or anything. The two glass jars are the cuttings i'm letting root to thicken the mint plant and rosemary.

Then the day really starts.

now i know why man created disposable plates and cutlery

do you know how fast the sink fills up with dirty dishes, used cookware and many other things that need to be washed within a days time before they stink up your kitchen? every time i finish washing the stuff in the full sink after lunch, i sigh a little with relief and relish the squeaky clean-ness... for about 2 hours max. Cos then the process starts again when dinner time rolls around!

a little bit of observed wisdom for you: if there are things in the sink, and you don't wash them today, they are going to grow. and by tomorrow, you'll have a landslide of dishes. you may even break some.

i really hate washing dishes. if there's one thing i would like for my birthday, Christmas, anytime?! it would be a dishwasher (be it a person or a machine =) but til then, happy cleaning to me. it sucks that my hands don't even crack from constant dish washing or just general washing. you'd think they would, then i can kesian myself a bit (haha) and put it off til later. but i don't. so i just keep going. i think it's a strange side effect from having to put moisturiser on my eczema, it keeps my hands moisturised so i can wash dishes just fine -.-

real love

people say that hate is the opposite of love. other people say that indifference is the opposite of love.
real love is not separate from hate. it's not the opposite either. you'll only know what it means (or what it takes) to love someone when you hate them.

Lessons learnt in being a wife

It has been a week in education of young impressionable girls of the idealistic, optimistic and utterly stupid and untrue nature of their hopes and dreams of being a wife.

Being a wife means...
...Never letting go (even when you hate his guts sometimes)
...Staying alive (even though you'd rather die)
...Doing the dishes (even if its disgusting and gross)
...Talking (even in silent treatment mode)
...Calming down (even when you're super angry)
...Seeing the good in all he's doing (which is in reality a lot, although you translate it to be not)
...Keep going on being a wife (even if your whole being insists on giving up)

Now take a whack at it and see if you'll be the so-called wife that you believe God called you to be. My advice is: Stop being the young impressionable girl with idealistic, optimistic and stupid untrue hopes and dreams of being a wife and JUST BE ONE. Find comfort in God when you fail and keep finding comfort in Him cos you're gonna keep failing for the rest of your life.

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
(Matthew 7:3-5 ESV)

bummer

i dropped my hard disk and now all the pictures i have of singapore and india are the ones on my blog right now. i'm a little beyond upset over that and every time i think of "oh that was like that time we did that in... oh...(peeved silence)" but i've gotten over it (mostly, i think). i did go in a pursuit of anything and everything that made me happy again for a while, which ended up in situations neither me nor adrian ever wanna be in again =P.

so now, i'm no longer on speaking terms with the laptop, which is what i believe to be the source of the problem in the first place (bar my actually dropping the disk) and i'm using the permanent desktop, whose hard disk is safe and sound, firmly planted on the table, never to drop. i hate hard disks.

makes me think about the permanence of things and God's providence and will. God will always be there, never like a hard disk where hard knocks will make keel over and die. He will never leave you, unless you are being a stubborn three letter word that means donkey who insists on being disobedient, unlike a hard disk where even if you are kind to it, it may fail you anyway. This all must have happened to teach me two things: first, that i need to trust God because He's the most trustworthy out of all the everything and anything in this world and probably out of this world too, and secondly, back up always, cos hard disks are not God, and you are not God.

There you go, lessons learnt. (in a very small voice) I would still like to imagine all my files being returned in pristine order. 

You know i've been reading about all these banning, banning people from preaching the gospel, banning people to say things as according to the Bible, banning people generally from having any sort of Christian opinion. Why is it okay for the rest of the world to have their opinions, make laws to express it or cancel laws that don't express it, and try to stop everyone else from opposing their opinions in the name of freedom of speech or the right to whatever? Hello? Don't we have rights too or a right to an opinion too? And when does it become okay for anyone else who happens not to be a Christian to complain about Christians being offensive in what they proclaim, but at the same time they can go on being offensive about Christians out loud in whatever way they like? I just find this all completely topsy turvy. It's like some circle of crazy that will never end.

I guess i may sound silly, saying all these things about the gospel, Jesus, seemingly making all these claims about God. The basis for it: The bible told me so. Call me silly to have an opinion based on God's Word. We'll see, won't we?

Funny thing is, it's a blessing to Christians when these things happen. In history and til the day Jesus returns, these things have only resulted in more and more people becoming Christians and growing to be stronger Christians. Read the Foxes book of Martyrs, or Unquenchable Flame by Michael Reeves. We have the eternal assurance of our salvation, thanks to the blood of Christ. We can never die. So go on preaching it brothers and sisters. The world can do what it can, but
our God rules this world. 

from a show that also has a lot of unfair and loud opinions about God and Jesus and Christians, the lyrics to Loser Like Me:
Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth (so everyone can hear)
hit me with the worst you got and knock me down (baby i don't care)
keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out,
you wanna be, you wanna be
a loser like me... a loser like me

Have thought about everything i mentioned before. It's not just a problem with the gospel. It's a whole framework of thinking that's wrong. I see how much work God needs to do in someone before they come to realize that they're not all that, they're not God and they need to submit. Thank you Lord for disciplining me in the many years that has built up to this moment. When the necessary things like understanding the nature of justification, sanctification, perfection and maturity or even more like the nature of truth, revelation or the doctrine of Scripture, if these things are not there, people really just can't get it. Understanding that we don't have to do anything to gain favor with God (or with man for that matter, which is much less important than God) is foreign. All you end up with is an anthropocentric view of life, which is arrogant, proud in itself and can't be taught. Pity. It's a lot like Ahaz, Hezekiah, Assyria, one day God will whack you and that would be it. Better to understand the sovereignty of the One Creator God now before that happens. Scripture puts it all to us clearly. We just don't bother to find out. We just say that's vague, don't know, can't be bothered to find out what it says, can't read it, oh it's sealed, can't even open it. Isaiah is blowing my mind about all this. Everything just pops now, right before my very eyes. The nature of seeing the world and reality through God's eyes, as Isaiah did. Realizing when reality has been topsy turvied by sinful people like us and seeing clearly through to what is the only solution to all this rubbish. Seeing the problems for what they really are and gaining strength from God who is the only comfort to us in this ridiculous situations. Having vision that is God-centred, God-focused, and not navel-gazing. So much more to say, but Isaiah has said it all, 1 Thessalonians has said it all, the Bible has said it all. God has said it all, take it or leave it.

strength in God!

some people think they are sinless.
some people also think its possible to try their best to be good.
some think that sinning against people is not sinning against God.
some also are obsessed with the fact that everyone in their life has sinned against them.

i think it's deluded.

only God is sinless.
No one is righteous, not even one.
And sin is defined as rebellion against the Holy God.
There is no way for us to pay for our sin.
It's too much.
Everyday our debt to God grows.
Only the sinless Son of God can pay and has paid for all that we've done.
David says 'Against you alone have i sinned" and he's right.
Whatever you and i have ever done to ourselves or to others, none of that is as important as the fact that everything we've done is rebellion against God.

What kind of perverse gospel is it that people subscribe to? Its not a gospel at all.
For while we were still sinners, Christ died for the ungodly, the sinners, the enemies of God.
His blood, his sacrificial death takes our place.
Because of what he has done, we are now assured of no more condemnation by God, where we ought have suffered the wrath of God, we are now freed. We are reconciled and have peace with God, since we are JUSTIFIED by God. My price is paid, i have nothing more to answer for. Nothing that i can do to further compensate for my past, but the blood of Christ has accomplished it all.
To subscribe to anything other than this, is heresy. Outright denial of the gospel of Christ.

I rejoice in this suffering, this persecution. It has only made me more sure that i am forgiven. I have comfort from God. I have strength in Him. I have confidence that i am no longer condemned by God. I am clean in His eyes.

And honestly, that's all i need to know. For the eyes of man are blind. They will keep seeing but never perceiving, always hearing but never understanding. The wisdom of God is portrayed in Christ's work in me, but those who are blind will never understand it. Will never see it. Will even ignore God's glorious work, in order to bring forth their own perverted form of justice.

Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the Lord understand it completely. Only the Holy Servant of God will bring forth RIGHT JUSTICE, and i look forward to that day. It is a pity for those who claim to believe yet still find ways to work their own sanctification, their own holiness. Do you not know you can never do it? Do you not know that no matter how many people you apologize to, even the ones you have wronged, it won't make you right with God? I know what you want, but what you need is to trust God's work of sanctification. Can you imagine, calling God's immense payment, restitution if you will, cheap grace?

Christ crucified, i'm justified. 
Redeeming love has been my theme and shall be til i die!

Just one thing this chinese new year

Thank you to everyone who has been giving me angpaus in the past years, rest assured that it has been put to good use. (except for maybe a teensy bit) You have paid to support me and my family's ministry in my church CERC, so thank you ever so much for all of it!

It is my dear hope that the angpaus i give out this year will be put to the same good use as well. I leave you with this proverb, wishing you all the blessedness and gain, prosperity and security in life that you will find only in the LORD of Wisdom, Jesus Christ.

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom,
and the one who gets understanding,
for the gain from her is better than gain from silver
and her profit better than gold.
She is more precious than jewels,
and nothing you desire can compare with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are ways of pleasantness,
and all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her;
those who hold her fast are called blessed.


The LORD by wisdom founded the earth;
by understanding he established the heavens;
by his knowledge the deeps broke open,
and the clouds drop down the dew.


My son, do not lose sight of these—
keep sound wisdom and discretion,
and they will be life for your soul
and adornment for your neck.
Then you will walk on your way securely,
and your foot will not stumble.
If you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Proverbs 3:13-24

For the Lord disciplines the one he loves...

I am of the opinion that God intends for those whom he has saved should continue in fighting sin and being holy as He is holy. He made us good (as in the Creation) but due to our own deliberate fault, we rebelled and have been ever since. Now that we have been reconciled through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus, it would be really terrible to persist in sin, it's almost like we're crucifying Jesus again and again. It's our sin that put him there. Why is it so hard? But i will not harden my heart. I hear his voice and i refuse to give in to sin, i will NOT HARDEN MY HEART.

Holiday

It came and went. A took 3 days off, cos we both needed a short break. A teeny tiny honeymoon if you wish. We went to Genting, Melaka and the last day at home. Chicken rice balls, satay babi, and rollercoasters. Still getting thrilled by the space shot, just from thinking about it. Come to think about it, it wasn't much of a break nor was it relaxing, but it sure was fun =P

I miss the time we had in Penang. But we don't have the luxury of a week off nowadays. Maybe next year.



Striking off number 4 now.

Glossing over it

It's hard to find beauty in the normal things in life. Maybe that's because we usually just gloss over them. Totally walk on by without even noticing.

I think it's the same with reading the bible. Recently, i've been learning how much i gloss over everything, thinking i know it all already so not really paying attention. I need to be humble.

envy

sometimes i envy jerome's freedom, but in all honesty, i don't think i can handle it. sitting here trying my best to concentrate on sorting out all the art dept stuff that has gone wonky since my 3 month break. Having to move all my stuff as well, in light of moving into the new house soon, is not helping. Housework looks so much more attractive these days. That said, its not like I'm home that often to do them nowadays. I don't like being a nomad, it might be a girl thing to want to have a permanent place to stay. It's too unsettling.

It's a new year

It's that time again, to thank God for another year lived on earth, doing His work and pray for more to come. So many changes has happened since the last year. I got married, started working, moved with the church into the new building, and on and on and on. It's a really happy birthday this year, after the streak of unhappy birthdays stopped in 2009. And it's really funny too, cos it's not any special-er today than yesterday or the day to come. No big celebration, no party. Just any old day, me in my pyjamas sitting in front of my computer doing artwork.

What did i wish for as i blew out the candles this year? I usually don't wish on the birthday candle, i don't believe in wishing for anything like that but this year, well, it was different. I wished that God would bless us with a baby. I'm in no rush, given i'm only 23, but yeah, i'd love to have one of God's little creatures. Then, a thought came to me, thinking that yeah, i am ONLY 23, what do i know about caring for babies! So in the end, i wished for God to prepare me for a baby. Do you think that wish will be granted?

I was reading this article called "Taming the tongue" on Boundless, re-reading actually and this short line popped up at me. 

Simply having the freedom to do a thing doesn't justify doing it. Being able to discipline oneself for the benefit of others is the very essence of maturity.

It's mainly referring to people using the freedom of speech to justify using colorful words in speech, where the article promotes taming the tongue because "To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech. (Proverbs 8:13)" and also "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. (1 Peter 3:9-11)" And of course : The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. (James 3:6).


But i think it applies to most other things we do that's not only harmful to self and people around us, but most importantly that's displeasing to God and an ungrateful expression towards to the grace God has already shown us. It reminds me of Galatians 5 which says : 

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. 

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

And another aspect that you find in Galatians is the loving service to the brothers expressed in the fruit of the Spirit (also 5:13-14) versus gratifying the flesh which evidences the list above. You see how your own godliness is tied in to the church's godliness as well. Because Jesus came to save his church, a motley crue of undeserving sinners, all of us. Not just individuals. Lone rangers are dead rangers, says Josh Harris in his book 'Sex is not the problem; Lust is'. And, through working through the book with the girls, i can see how it all works out, how my own godliness is tied into everyone else in church as well, how my own 'tiny' sins affect the others. I certainly don't want anyone else to be stumbled because of me. 

The Obsessive Bride

I'm glad i was known as an obsessive bride. I wasn't obsessive over all sorts of little details, i really wasn't all that concerned. I was obsessive over the prices, i said no to a lot of expenditure that might have been. If i hadn't had interfered, i think everyone might have just spent whatever they liked on everything. Crazies. But there's only one thing i'm really happy i was obsessive over, which is the content and flow of the ceremony.

If there's anything any bride should be obsessive over, it should be that. I'm glad our ceremony told the story that it did about our lives together, joined by God, for Christ, his Church and the Gospel. I'm glad that cos of our obsession over that, people could see the statement we're making with our lives. I'm very glad to have put it all out there, for you all my friends and family, because we want to share with you this good life we have, this salvation that we have under Christ.

I just wanted to encourage all you young bride-to-bes to be godly when deciding how to have your wedding. Encourage the people around you to make godly decisions too, like not overspending, or over-anything. I wasn't happy how some things were done, but well, some things i had no choice but to close one eye and let it go. If i had a chance for a do-over, i would have done a lot more things myself. Even though that would have meant a lot more tiredness for me, i would have liked to maintain more control over the expenses incurred and other things. Not everyone shares the same mentality that weddings can be budget, gorgeous and meaningful at the same time. So struggle with it.