Wednesday, August 31, 2005

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all i want to do is to beg him to give it another chance

is that too much to ask

i hate it la

i'm going off for four days

he's gonna be there

i'm sure it won't help that his horde of admirers will be there too

i'm going out of my mind

i feel like dying just so that the pain will go away

i wonder if he cares

i wonder if he ever cared

i'm sick

can this situation get any worse

is this sick, numb, calm, almost hysterical, psychotic, angry, upset, disappointed, hurt, pained feeling normal

if it is, it sux

what will we gain by being together

i feel like such a liar

everyday i wake up, paint on a happy smiley face

to have it washed away by tears at night

Sunday, August 28, 2005

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i quite HATE goodbyes. because there's so many things to do,and it requires lots of guts and will to want to get around doing what is right.

there's passwords to change if ur significant other's name happens to be encrypted in it,you lose all exclusivity on friendster because u've lost that coveted 'in a relationship' or 'married' status,big oversized tshirts u would wear around the house because it reminded you of him will have to be dumped into this huge box which you will ceremoniously present to him when you guys say ur finally over each other (which would be a total lie,only a pathetic attempt on (sometimes) both sides to see who would give in first),nice apologetic sounding letters which were written when all attempts to communicate failed have to go in the box too,so do the movie ticket stubs that have been collected since forever ,he's no longer the VIP in your phone caller group,that would someday be replaced by someone better,or so one believes, if he was 'sayang' 'baby' or whatever else in the phonebook,he has to be given his real name back because there is a chance that communication will be scarce and u might *gasp* forget who he is in ur phone book after awhile, the little cute fuzzy animals he got u just cause he thought you might like it even though he doesn't like to waste too much money might take its coveted spot in the box too.

worse of all,u start doubting everything that ever happened since the start of the relationship.its quite bad enough when the trust is gone,but now that hope is non existent,it might as well be the end of the world for certain people.

maybe the box will never reach it's intended owner's hands because someone will tell him she threw everything out when they said goodbye.she threw them under her bed,that is,coz she has trouble letting go.

Isn't it so true? This is what another similar girl, Jolene, wrote about and i find it's so true. I adjusted some parts to better accommodate my meaning. You guys know what i mean... And if you guys have been reading, i know you know why i'm writing this down here. Anyway, i already told you guys about this post being from another girl's point of view. Sad huh? The way girls think...really torturous...


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isn't it nice to live together with your friends? Nice to have a bunch of close friends to share a house with... or even to stay with your boyfriend. I think it could be a start to an even better relationship or on the flip side, it could strain the relationship. I read this blog of a couple, just my age, here in malaysia, they stay together... so loving... they're like the almost perfect couple, rarely argue but when they do, they always make up so fast.

So annoying isn't it? Just when your whole world falls apart (or at least a big chunk of it) they decide to show you how it could have been *maybe just to rub it in* I'm surrounded by lovesick puppydogs. They sicken me. And not too long ago, i was one of them. I WAS one of them. Lovesick, feelin great, feeling like nothing could stop me, all huggy wuggy and mushy... HAH! Then the world goes "BOO!" and laughs at you, cause its all just a dream. A cruel evil joke played on miniscule people like me.

Apparently, cos i'm the only one who feels this excrutiating pain. Nobody seems to understand the depth of hurt and pain that i'm going through. I know i'm regressing, i'm being my selfish self, thinking always that i'm right and the world is always wrong, that nothing else matters but me. Well, after being part of two for so long, i think i have every right to feel this way, so SUE ME! Doesn't it matter that i, no, WE, put so much effort into it? Doesn't it matter that i still care, enough to change, no matter how slowly or how hard? Doesn't it matter? Don't i matter?


It doesn't.

SO there. There it is. Little insignificant me, falling back to the world from the cloud 9 that i was on. From the illusion i was in. The illusion of love. Love? There's no such thing as love. There is only lust.

And in the end, there is only ME.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

I Hate my situation

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Warning: EMo, Bitchy Post

I hate my situation! oh, wait, did i already say that? Yeah.

What kind of situation might i be in, you may ask. I'm in a situation where i'm stressed - because of this STRESS, i'm experiencing late-in-life ezcema, which is all over my leg, my elbows and my life! - and i've just broken up with my bf for higher causes - which totally sux because who am i to argue with God? - and worse off, he doesn't miss me as much as i miss him - which leaves me wondering whether he really loved me as much as he said he did - not to mention, an argument that happened which spilled out some not-so-nice details of my past that i don't need to remember - especially not from the hypocrites that it came out of - i hate this whole situation.

I feel like GOd is there, He's always there...but thats all...He's just there, looking at me, hurting feeling like shit but doing nothing. In times like these, the devil tries to get a stronghold i guess. So i must be strong, trust in the Lord... Easier said than done, no?

Tuesday, August 23, 2005


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Theres no point hoping in people. People disappoint, friends disappoint, they up and leave, use and abuse, betray trusts, sibuk menyibuk in your life, think they have a right to "pry" when something "interesting" happens in your life. Theres no hope in people.

There is only hope in God.

Monday, August 22, 2005

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just so all you sickos who write up those stupid chain mails saying "ooh, u opened this, u'll die in 3 days if u dont repost it" "i'm sum sick dying girl, if u dont repost it, when i die i'll come back and haunt you" you need to get a life.

and sad to say, the only way to stop these things is to trust in the safety of the Lord and stop reposting... you won't die if you don't repost it. i've got several and i havent reposted...HEY!! i'm still alive!!! Cos...GOOD PEOPLE DIE YOUNG... AND I'M NOT VERY GOOD!

hate these crappy bulletins and emails...all you people who endorse it are stupid...

Saturday, August 20, 2005

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I miss him so much.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Project Shmoject

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haha i haven't blogged in 5 days. ooh, bummer! Good for you guys tho... don't have to listen to my crazy ranting for a while now. but then tough luck, cos i'm back!

The new sem just started, hectic man. Although we only have 6 projects for this sem, every one is a major one! hah, that means we can't afford to miss ANY classes because tutorial also counts. Dang! MsJ is lecturing us together with MsR...They have such diff points of view and they both have an idea on how they want us to do our work and pass up kinda thing that they clash alot and i don't think that's very professional though... but they're cool and nice to me, so i'll let the sleeping dogs lie. Because apparently it seems like Ms Jinchi is giving it harder to those of us, who didn't pass up our CS1 final essay on time or at all , worse off than those who did pass up on time. So i feel really bad for my friends who did, esp PST...she's the only one who has to do her research on a lect...hahah...i feel sorry for them but i'm really glad i'm not in their shoes.

This project we're working on is really cool though. We're all paired up with another classmate, not our choice of course, and we have to work on a gift box for that classmate. so we have to research and find out what their personality is and what kinda box would appeal to that particular person. I was very lucky to get GlitzyZizi as my partner...kekkeke. we're so similar i'm sure i'd like the box i'm making for her ad i'm sure i'd like the box she;s making for me and vice versa... to get back to work now. Studying what colour combis i should use for her box...

P.s. I'm home alone for five days!!! of the family going off to penang...ask me out! i'll be so bored *of course, this is an invitation to ppl i know. those idiots who i am not acquaintanced with can really go look elsewhere...*

Saturday, August 13, 2005

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This little story was sent to me a while ago and as i re-read it today, it means a whole lot more to me now than it did it goes...

Can somebody please tell me if there's someone on earth today who is perfectly well? Nah.. everyone seems to have some weaknesses at certain area of their lives.

Anyway, let me share with you some of my funny experience... When I was a new convert, I was very passionate and desirous to learn the Bible and "forcing" myself to behave [eat, sleep, talk...] like a Christian very much. I started to observe the conduct of those Christians in the college CF. I observed that they speak very gently using very "kind" [or indecisive/blur] words. Sometimes I got confused. I thought they wanted to correct me of something but yet, they seemed to throw me an idea that they feel Ok with what I was doing. At times, they spent hours just to deliver a message that they wanted me to come punctually for CF meetings. Hmmm... I told myself, these Christians speak weird language that only they will understand.

Hmmm... I was told that I must say grace before I eat. So, everyday, before I have my meals, I would say "Grace!". Then, I decided to visit some of the Christian girl's rooms in the campus. I wanted to survey how should I decorate [I love doing that!] my hostel room after I became a Christian. After quite a number of "friendly" visits, my conclusion was only "Christian girl's rooms are dirty, messy, untidy..." I was quite disappointed. I started to learn that it's not so nice being a Christian afterall. These leaders in my CF are not so great person... they didn't speak clearly [leaving me with more doubts], they didn't keep their rooms clean...

My heart really sank one day when my non-Christian gang told me something. They said all these Christians in CF always skip classes and so proud that they made sacrifice to God. I was kinda confused. I was a school prefect in my sec. school and I don't like ppl skipping classes...

On my way to lecture one day, I saw some CF notices on the building pillars. I stopped and started to "judge" the notices. I was thinking in my heart that probably I can lend them my new printer ['coz the printed words were so blur!], and the information was not presented clearly [I wanted to go for the meeting but don't know where is the venue]... and I noticed something --- those notices were put up without approval from the Student Affairs dept. As a student helper, I knew that the CF will get blacklisted if they put up "illegal" notices, somemore on the pillars [should put in notice boards]... Oh, I told God "God, ok... Now I want to help..."

I took out those notices, slowly and carefully. I was planning to get them approved from my supervisor in the Student Affairs and then put them back again in the notice board. There, a brother from the CF was running towards me. I was very happy, thinking that he could help me to take down those notices. With his 180cm height, he stood near me and screamed at me "What do you think you are doing right now?" Then he started to scold me as loud as everyone could hear from other rooms and lecture halls. He didn't give me a chance to explain and I was totally blur of what's going on. I felt rejected. Tears started to flow and I kept saying sorry.

A non-Christian classmate was with me at that time. She knew what happened. She then started to complaint that all these [actually just one] Christians are so proud and unreasonable people. Very quickly, she spread the news and all my "big brothers" and "big sisters" [close friends...] came to the canteen and discouraged me of being a Christian. They told me "Stop it. You'd tried your best to be one" I was very sad. The brother was my prayer coordinator, a cell group leader and he lead worship during CF meetings. I felt sorry that I'd made him angry but at the same time, I really learnt something that day that benefited me for the rest of my Christian walk -

Don't look to people [pastors, leaders, good Christians] but look unto a God who never fails.

Getting used to it.

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It's tough getting used to being alone, stuck at home, with not many friends and a thus-non-existent social life. I feel so alone, with a craving for something, someone to talk to, chocolates and just company. My parents annoy me with their small talk and concerns. I know they mean well but it annoys me. Retail therapy didn't help much either, i no longer get any consolation with new clothes or earrings. This situation makes me even more frustrated and sad. I just feel like not getting out of bed all the time and just sleeping my life away, because in my sleep there is no pain, no sorrow. in fact i don't even know what happens around me when i'm asleep, and i guess thats why i'm so surly when people wake me up from my sleep. Cos i just want to run away, hide from this consciousness of life going on around me, and that i can't help this situation.

However, i should console myself with the presence of the Lord with me all the time. I try to, you know. When i'm feeling especially sad or depressed, i tell myself to talk to God, pray, and try to say, "you know, it's okay. You've got God and He won't let you down" I know that for a fact. But for some funny reason, it doesn't really get rid of my problems. I'll have to deal with my problems with God in hand... I can't do it myself for sure... But knowing that doesn't stop me from feeling sad or depressed.

That's why i don't agree with some evangelists that say, "God is the greatest. Accept Jesus in your life and all your problems will go away". That's crap! Look at Job, look at me. But if you accept Jesus in your life, He will be your strength to survive these problems, they won't go away, but you will have courage to go through them knowing that God is on your side and that He will never leave you. He never gives you something too big for you to handle. And ultimately, your faithfulness will be rewarded twenty times over...

Friday, August 12, 2005

A to Z's of Erin

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A is for Ambiguous - for when you really can't tell which is which... some people find me weird, can't tell whether i'm naughty or nice =P
B is for Bold *sometimes anyway
C is for Cool thats what lame, loser, bothersome people get
D is for Someone i know
E is for ExtraSpecial and ExtraOrdinary Me!!
F is for Fun & Funny i'd like to think i have a sense of humour and appreciate a good joke
G is for Gorgeous!
H is for Hamsters
I is for Intelligent??? ahahahha
J is for Joker...
K is for Kiddy-fied..i'm just a 9 yr old in a 19 yr old's body.
L is for Love Sucks!
M is for Malaysian! Bleh, i'm not that patriotic...
N is for NOsey Parker...
O is for the Organised Mess my room is.
P is for imPatience is my virtue...ahahahaha....
Q is for Queen of my domain...
R is for Rocking!
T is for Tall?? Maybe among girls la.
U is for Unusual...
V is for Vocal!
W is for Whack you!
X is for How would i know what X is for???
Y is for Yo-yo like quality of bouncing back *almost
Z is for Zest for Life

Past Post...

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I was just suddenly thinking about my xbfs...

1st - i still have a slight thing for him....although it is overshadowed by BouncingNinjaTurtle's wonderfullness... maudlin...broke up cos of a actually it was for no good reason...i guess we weren't meant to be together

2nd - i never EVER want to remember why i was attracted to him in the first place. never really got together and never really broke apart

3rd - my longest relationship (so far)...2 yrs...wasted...cheated on me, several times then left me for Smelly...hah....what a guy...i have fantastic taste

4th - this time it was my mistake...

well the latest one........still together and i hope he never becomes the 5th

Spotted @ 10:12 PM 0 second hand roses

That was what i posted several months ago. Now he's fifth...
But we're still good, great friends. Which is more than i can say for the rest. Thank God for small mercies...

Miracles Happen

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-Kuchi Rat has passed away. i'm not sure what caused his death but i'm pretty sure it's the haze. I came back yesterday and he was just lying there. He was breathing but taking rather ragged breaths. i knew he was dying, but i can't do much. i knew that he wouldn't last through the night. And my guess was right, i woke up this morning and he was gone. I wonder if hamsters go to heaven, whether they have souls... but i know that God will take care of all that He created so i know that Kuchi Rat's in safe hands now.

-He's leaving. Going to find God. I wish him all the best. I know God will reveal Himself to whoever who looks for Him and thus, i have faith that he will find what he's looking for. I might have pissed him off abit before he left, so i say, i'm sorry. I'm sorry i couldn't pray for you then, i promise you will always be in my prayers and we'll continue our cleansing journey when you get back.

-The haze miraculously cleared after the Impressions presentation. God is good and He gives us alot. it was clear all the way home for me. Miracles happen...

I'm going back...

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What's been happening in my life lately?

Lots of things i suppose but whether or not i want to publicise it is another matter.
Anyway, i'll write what i am at liberty to write la.

Well, the only and most important piece of news is, i haven't been very much "into" God lately. He's not been very responsive, or at least the way that i would have liked it to be and truthfully, i've lost much faith in this God that i still love. Sometimes it feels like He's not there, or He's there but He just can't be bothered to help me out. But now, i suppose He's had enough of me complaining complaining and always blaming Him for all the wrongs thats been happening in my life, and i guess you can say that He's giving me an ultimatum. Come back to Me or else. In a nice way of course.

Several days ago, or more accurately yesterday, something bad happened to me. Lets just say, i felt a great loss and deprivation. I felt punished for something that i didn't do, that wasn't my fault. As usual, there i go, blaming everyone else but me for my problems. I was almost at the verge of desperation, i didn't understand why that particular thing had to happen, especially cos it was at the most unexpected time, just when i thought everything was going fine and dandy. No surprise, i was extremely distraught, upset and couldn't really care less about the consequences of my actions then. I didn't understand why God had to let this happen now. I cried and i cried and i drove almost everyone nuts, up the wall, or worried to no end. I went home, still confused, with puffy eyes and a stuck nose, and i still couldn't understand.

Today, i went out shopping or retail therapy with DeOriginalMeow. She took my mind off everything, such a dear she is. Then she dragged me along to one of her practices, where i would encounter some problems again. I thought i would break down again there, and i nearly did. Then she sang and the songs she sang, hit me like a ton of bricks...

There is no problem so big, God cannot solve it. There is no mountain so tall, He cannot move it.
There is no storm so dark, God cannot calm it. There is no sorrow so deep, God cannot soothe it.
If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders.
I know , my brother, that He will carry you.
If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders.
I know, my sister, that He will carry you.
He said, Come unto Me all who are weary , and I will give you rest.

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You
I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
Im carried in everlasting arms
Youll never let me go
Through it all

Then i understood. Why this is happening, why He wants me to give what i thought was everything to me up. For the simple reason, that He wants me back. I suppose it can be said that my God is a jealous God, there should not be any other besides Him. And i understand that completely now. I suppose that by understanding i shouldn't feel as bad as i did. and i don't. Not that it stops me from feeling sad but it's not a feeling of loss anymore. With this "loss", i'll be gaining much more in the eyes of God. He told me, I will always be faithful to you, it's time you are faithful to me too. I have not forgotten you, and in the end, your reward will be great if you follow Me now.

Now that i know, it helps. I feel so sorry that it had to come to this for God to call me back.
And i will return to Him.

This "revelation" is dedicated to several special people in my life, that i have not appreciated enough for their efforts of pulling me back to God... BouncingNinjaTurtle, DeOriginalMeow and MaternalParental... Just to tell you, i know now.
Thank you.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Heaven Help me

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Today I prayed to God and asked him why he gave me the ability to feel so much pain. The ability to suffer so much.
I asked him why he allowed my heart to hurt for so long, why the cut still feels so fresh.
Maybe for a period of time, I managed to stitch the wound and close it up. I don't think I'm very good at it though. I think the wound just reopened. It hurts so bad.....

I've been told so many times that everything happens for a reason. Its been so long, I still don't find that reason valid.

Today, I prayed to God to guide me and show me where I am supposed to go, what was the purpose this hurt played.

Then, I curled up on my bed and cried.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

About me

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Musical Instruments played: haha.. abit of piano...thats about it

Musical groups affiliated with: none. i have no talent.

Any siblings: 13 yr old sister

Hometown: Kay Elle...

Have you ever gone skinny dipping?: nope

Favorite color: blue, lime green, purple, pink

Best online friend(s): I'm antisocial

One pillow or two: try 5

Pets: Earl Grey, Scaredycat, Kuchi Rat, Tessera. by the way, they're all hamsters.

Favorite Book: Whitney, my love

Favorite Music: no faves...i have many fave songs tho

Favorite Movie(s): a League of their own... dance movies...

Favorite Actor(s):Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise

Favorite Actress(es): Geena Davis, Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock

Have you ever been convicted of a crime: no

Favorite tv show(s): NO faves

Words or phrases you overuse: really?

Toothpaste: whatevers in the bathroom at the moment

Favorite Food: italian./...macaroni n cheese

Soon to be boyfriend: What the hck? more like soon to not be boyfriend

Piercings or tattoos: 4 ear piercings

Favorite town to chill in: Kay Elle, Pee Jay

Favorite ice Cream: Double Choc

Favorite soda: Hahaha

What's your bed time?: whenever i pass out in a heap on the bed, floor, sofa, whatever

Adidas, Nike, or Reebok?: None

Favorite sport to watch: IS dance a sport?

Most embarrassing moment: too many to remember

Favorite Holiday: Christmas and New year

What do you look for in the opposite sex?: i don't.


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Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it`s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you`ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You`ll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That`s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what`s the use of crying?
You`ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That`s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what`s the use of crying?
You`ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

So true isn't it? What's the use of crying?

But it's not like that will stop you from crying anyway.

Know what Love means?

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Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is
your voice caught within your chest??
-It isn't love, it's LIKE.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of her, am I
-It isn't love, it's LUST.

Are you proud, and eager to show her off??
-It isn't love, it's LUCK.

Do you want her because you know she's there??
-It isn't love, it's LONELINESS.

Are you with her because it's what everyone
-It isn't love, it?it's LOYALTY.

Are you with her because she kissed you, or held
your hand?
-It isn't love, it's LOW CONFIDENCE.

Do you stay for her confessions of love, because
you don't want to hurt her?
-It isn't love, it's PITY.

Do you belong to her because the sight of her
makes your heart skip a beat??
-It isn't love, it's INFATUATION.

Do you pardon her faults because you care about
-It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP.

Do you tell her every day she is the only one you
think of?
-It isn't love, it's a LIE.

Are you willing to give up all of your favorite things
for her sake?
-It isn't love, it's CHARITY.

Does your heart ache and break when she's sad?
-Then it's LOVE.

Do you cry for her pain, even when she's strong?
-Then it's LOVE.

Do her eyes see your true heart, and touch your
soul so deeply it hurts?
-Then it's LOVE.

Do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls
you close and holds you to her?
-Then it's LOVE.

Do you accept her faults because it's a part of
who she is?
-Then it's LOVE.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with her
faithfully without regret??
-Then it's LOVE.

Would you give her your heart, your life, your
-Then it's LOVE.

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do
we love? Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death ofself? Why?
The answer is so simple cause it's...LOVE. It is
such an addictive thing that even people who are
not having it wish to experience it and share it with
others as well.

All the above: IS BULLSHIT.


Monday, August 08, 2005

Can't Wait

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i can't wait to go for breakdance training on wednesday and thursday.

i can't wait to stop working at the end of this week.

i can't wait to enjoy the weekend.

i can't wait to do more shopping.

i can't wait to go for the meeting on sunday.

i can't wait to celebrate the last few days of holiday.

i can't wait to get back to college.

i can't wait to see my friends from college.

i can't wait to go for PBA.

i can't wait til December hols are here.

I can't wait til MAD camp comes.

i can't wait til bootcamp is here.

i can't wait til bootcamp is over.

i just can't wait!!!


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Hmm..since my last few blogs were about sesated Internet explorer, let me update you about whats been happening in my boring life...

-Started work at Moleque boutique again. it's my auntie's co-owned shop in taman tun, selling a whole lot of beaded sandals, shoes, heels, tunics, baju kebaya, and much more. i worked there before, during my hols before college. after i left for college, they couldn't find anyone else to work there so kinda susah for i thought i'd help them out while i'm on hols, earn some money...

-Same old same old. work, bla bla...then i went for the Jazz fest over in Mont Kiara around 9-ish. Met QianLittle, Swen, Chiam, Sharmurami, BouncingNinjaTurtle, StDavinus and a whole lot more...haha. i can safely say that i saw at least 10 ppl i know there. FatBoy was there with his friends. and Jason Tomas too, although i feel very bad cos he lost his phone and he was having such a bad day too. Just topping off the icing on his cake la. I met BouncingNinjaTurtle's old friends from yonks ago.
-But it seems to me that the Jazz fest is really wasted on Malaysians. Cos i feel most people are there to socialise, really, not there to appreciate music. Anyway, that doesn't really matter. Heineken's happy of course.

-slept till four pm, the sleepy head that i am.
-then managed to get out of my bed cos my parents wanted to go to MidValley. and i knew what that meant: SHOPPING!!! so i eagerly jumped out of bed and followed them out.
-almost at MV, D calls. There's a party for JoshM on tonight at 6.30pm. i looked at my watch:6pm. Wow, what great timing. Anyway, i decided to skip shopping with my parents and all the perks that comes with it to go for the party la.
-uh-oh, just realised. no ride to the party. Just my luck, StDavinus calls. Hey, whaddayaknow, he's in MidValley with his parents too! so i hitch a ride with davin and co to the party.
-party was kinda boring after a while. didn't manage to play many games. people were just lingering around, playing pool, working the bbq pits, playing chess...geez, should have just stuck with shopping.
-left around 11.30pm. D dropped me home.
-Chitchatted with D until early morning. Quite depressing conversation we had though.

-wake up so depressed, i don't feel like getting out of bed cos that means i'll surely think and re-think about those depressing things on my mind. so i turn over, pull the comforter over my head and snore...
-breakdance class again. I seriously think that i'm getting better but slow though. i'm not as flexible as Patience but i can do most of the freezes and stuff that we've already learnt. i suppose thats an improvement. but well, we're having more practices during the week so i gues that;ll help. -went for dinner and movie with D. watched stealth. the show was quite good, generally predictable movie but the ending was different to what i expected. i won't spoil the show for you, but it's an overall okay movie so go and watch it.

Well, thats all...

Saturday, August 06, 2005

I found the reason why...

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Re: the previous post, all the problems people have reading my blog is because...


my site works best with mozilla's so much faster and better than i.e.
less bugs and viruses too...

here you can download it for free @

Thursday, August 04, 2005


There's something wrong with my blog.

50% of my blogreaders says its great, everything can be seen and played with and clicked. To cut it short, everything works fine. Maybe just that it's too pink =P

the other 50% says i can't see anything, can't click anything. everythings not working, maybe there's too many things in the blog...bla bla...

so what the heck am i supposed to do? i got rid of some of the tickers, the poll, the guestbook, the virtual! should be fine now, since it's mostly just text...

i don't know!! so complicating! darn...

what to do???
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Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...mysterious
Your hugs are...friendly
Your eyes...sparkle like the stars
Your touch is...heart warming
Your smell is...exotic
Your smile is...entrancing
Your love is...unique
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I'm somewhat normal

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You Are 60% Normal

(Really Normal)

Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal

You're like most people most of the time

But you've got those quirks that make you endearing

You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

My eyes

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Take the quiz: "What kind of eyes do you have? (with pictures)"

You have eden eyes. Eden is the color of water. Your eyes symbolize your great flexibility. You are a creative person. You can think of many good ways to get your point across to people as you have very good communication abilities. When someone feels down or is hurt, you have the remarkable ability to help them and heal them. If you have too little going on in your life, you may be withdrawn and depressed, timid, manipulative, unreliable, stubborn, or suspicious. Some words to describe you: peaceful, sincere, affectionate, tranquil, intuitive, trustworthy, pure, loyal, healing, and stable.

apparently, i have eden eyes!!! KAKAKAAAA...i ask my friends and see whether they believe this shit...highly likely no!

Celebrity Hottie

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Take the quiz: "Which celebrity hottie are you?"

Angelina Jolie
You're a tough one. Your caring of others, and you love adventures. You're not afriad of a challenge, you take life as it comes, and you love your natural self.

why ladies today are still single

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1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome,somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.


"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

hahaha...i betul emo la today... sorry guys!

Warning: Emo Post!!!

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i want to go shopping. i mean, i NEED to go shopping. soon. or i'll explode.

oh, i just remembered. i don't have money to go shopping. GRRR!

i seem to have lost my appetite for food. everytime i feel soooo hungry but then when i get round to eating, i can only eat a small portion then i'm crappy

i've been a lil moody lately. pissed actually. and the haze isnt making it any better.

every little thing just gets on my nerves. why la!!!

i hate college. no, actually i don't. i just hate the huge workload! damn, i think i might have failed a couple of subjects.... chis, i thought i did quite well...i'm just dam layzee.

malaysian idol sux! the only good things out of it were jaclyn victor and paul moss.

i cant wait for the next holidays coming up in december.

i hate the weather. stupid haze... our neighbours should take care of their forests better.

i hate everything.

this is an emo post. if u dont like it, leave.

i hate ezcema. the whole existence of this stupid thing... killing me!!!

i hate stress! cos stress is what causes ezcema... its just sometimes stress is unavoidable. damn!

i am going to die of heat.

i do not like staying back after college.

i hate carrying heavy stuff. one kuchi bag cukup need haversack full and several more grandma auntie bags. sheesh

i love music.

i need new clothes.

i need new stuff. i don't care what, as long as it's new!

i need to sit down and calm down.

i need to end here. sorry, im PMS-ing.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

I knew i acted my age!

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You Are 18 Years Old


Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

See BouncingNinjaTurtle! i told you i acted my age!! hahah... not that i believe this shit anyway

Nice things?

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1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who ! isn't willing to waste their time on you.
9 . Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you. !
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

Another one

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Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||||| 70%
Stability |||||||||||| 50%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 46%
Altruism |||||| 23%
Interdependence |||||||||||||||| 63%
Intellectual || 10%
Mystical |||||| 23%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Hedonism || 10%
Materialism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Narcissism |||||||||||| 43%
Adventurousness |||||||||||| 43%
Work ethic || 10%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Conflict seeking |||||| 30%
Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Romantic |||||||||||| 43%
Avoidant |||||| 30%
Anti-authority |||||||||| 36%
Wealth |||||| 30%
Dependency |||||||||| 36%
Change averse |||||||||||||||| 63%
Cautiousness |||||||||| 36%
Individuality |||||||||||| 50%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 63%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 43%
Physical security |||||||||||||||| 63%
Physical Fitness |||||||||||| 50%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Paranoia |||||||||||||| 56%
Vanity |||||||||||||||| 63%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63%
Female cliche |||||||||||||||| 63%

Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.

Extraversion results were high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
expressive, open, self revealing, loves large parties, loud, social, outgoing, does not like social isolation, assertive, social chameleon, positive, always busy, likes to fit in, likes to stand out, enjoys leadership, brutally honest, trusting, optimistic, desires attention, dominant, aggressive, attachment prone, wants to be understood, realistic

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

personality test

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My birthdate meaning

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Your Birthdate: June 20

Your birth on the 20th day of the month adds a degree of emotion, sensitivity, and intuition to your reading.

The 2 energy provided here is very social, allowing you to make friends easily and quickly.

Yet you are apt to have a rather nervous air in the company of a large group.

You have a warmhearted nature and emotional understanding that constantly seeks affection.

You are very prone to become depressed and moody, as emotions can turn inward and cause anxiety and mental turmoil.

It can be hard for you to bounce back to reality when depression sets in.

When things are going well, you can go just as far the other way and become extremely affectionate.

hahaha...what a load of ****...

Monday, August 01, 2005

Two of each

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what's ur name?

what day is today?

what's the date today?
1st August 2005

what's the time?

name 2 schools you went to.
1.SRK Seri Mega
2.SMK Sultan Abdul Samad

name 2 favorite vacations of all time.
1. I hate going on vacation
2. I hardly go on vacations

name 2 favorite fastfoods.
1. McD
2. Kenny Roger's

name 2 things in your pocket.
Don't have pockets right now

name 2 favorite hangouts.
1. OU
2. Mamak???

name 2 favorite songs Currently addicted to
1. Behind Hazel Eyes - Kelly C
2. Since You've been gone - Kelly C

name 2 favorite brand of shoes
1. Vincci
2. Skechers

name 2 favorite sports.
1. HandBall
2. Volleyball

name 2 things you would like to do right now?
1. Sleep
2. Shop

name 2 most valuable material possession
1. my car
2. my handphone

name 2 things you are addicted to.
1. shopping
2. Mars Bars

name 2 expenses in school.
1. Paper
2 . Coke

name 2 career choices.
1. Interior Architect
2. Designer

name 2 goals in 2005
1. Do a fantastic job in Semester 2
2. Personality change

name 2 plans for next week.
1. Sleep?
2. Sleep some more?

name 2 favorite alcoholic drinks.
1. No idea
2. No particular fave

name 2 childhood superheroes
1. My grandpa
2. She-Ra

name 2 friends that you miss most
1. Bils
2. GirlGuide

name 2 favorite movies.
1. Raising Helen
2. League of their own

name 2 favorite colors.
1. Pink
2. Green

name 2 favorite books.
1. Whitney by Judith McNaught
2. Almost Heaven by Judith McNaught

name 2 favorite local bands
1. hahaha...
2. no faves

name 2 favorite foreign bands.
1. haha...
2. no faves either

name 2 favorite food.
1. Italian
2. Fast food

name 2 favorite names
1. hmmm...
2. i know i have a whole list of names but i can't find it

name 2 favorite questions.
1. really?
2. Huh?

name 2 things of the opposite gender that you'd
be attracted to
1. Personality
2. Sense of humour

Name 2 things you like about yourself
1. My ears
2. My occasional sense of humour