I'm going back...

What's been happening in my life lately?

Lots of things i suppose but whether or not i want to publicise it is another matter.
Anyway, i'll write what i am at liberty to write la.

Well, the only and most important piece of news is, i haven't been very much "into" God lately. He's not been very responsive, or at least the way that i would have liked it to be and truthfully, i've lost much faith in this God that i still love. Sometimes it feels like He's not there, or He's there but He just can't be bothered to help me out. But now, i suppose He's had enough of me complaining complaining and always blaming Him for all the wrongs thats been happening in my life, and i guess you can say that He's giving me an ultimatum. Come back to Me or else. In a nice way of course.

Several days ago, or more accurately yesterday, something bad happened to me. Lets just say, i felt a great loss and deprivation. I felt punished for something that i didn't do, that wasn't my fault. As usual, there i go, blaming everyone else but me for my problems. I was almost at the verge of desperation, i didn't understand why that particular thing had to happen, especially cos it was at the most unexpected time, just when i thought everything was going fine and dandy. No surprise, i was extremely distraught, upset and couldn't really care less about the consequences of my actions then. I didn't understand why God had to let this happen now. I cried and i cried and i drove almost everyone nuts, up the wall, or worried to no end. I went home, still confused, with puffy eyes and a stuck nose, and i still couldn't understand.

Today, i went out shopping or retail therapy with DeOriginalMeow. She took my mind off everything, such a dear she is. Then she dragged me along to one of her practices, where i would encounter some problems again. I thought i would break down again there, and i nearly did. Then she sang and the songs she sang, hit me like a ton of bricks...

There is no problem so big, God cannot solve it. There is no mountain so tall, He cannot move it.
There is no storm so dark, God cannot calm it. There is no sorrow so deep, God cannot soothe it.
If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders.
I know , my brother, that He will carry you.
If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders.
I know, my sister, that He will carry you.
He said, Come unto Me all who are weary , and I will give you rest.

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You
I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
Im carried in everlasting arms
Youll never let me go
Through it all

Then i understood. Why this is happening, why He wants me to give what i thought was everything to me up. For the simple reason, that He wants me back. I suppose it can be said that my God is a jealous God, there should not be any other besides Him. And i understand that completely now. I suppose that by understanding i shouldn't feel as bad as i did. and i don't. Not that it stops me from feeling sad but it's not a feeling of loss anymore. With this "loss", i'll be gaining much more in the eyes of God. He told me, I will always be faithful to you, it's time you are faithful to me too. I have not forgotten you, and in the end, your reward will be great if you follow Me now.

Now that i know, it helps. I feel so sorry that it had to come to this for God to call me back.
And i will return to Him.

This "revelation" is dedicated to several special people in my life, that i have not appreciated enough for their efforts of pulling me back to God... BouncingNinjaTurtle, DeOriginalMeow and MaternalParental... Just to tell you, i know now.
Thank you.