Wednesday, April 28, 2010

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I  have probably never mentioned to anyone why i left something that was a very big part of my life. To most people, i merely outgrew it, or i found greener pastures. Which are partially true, i have to admit. But the biggest reason is, as i read my bible and learnt of what God requires of His people's lives, it just didn't fit in. I had to leave. People think i'm crazy, i'm so silly for doing these kinda things... especially now that i'm *ooooh* married. But I thank God every day for my new found priorities, as i grow more and more in Christ, walking in his footsteps. The gospel of Mark is one of the books that showed me God's salvation plan in His Son's walk to the cross. It persuades me that whoever does not follow the way of the cross is doomed to the rich young ruler's fate. He walked away from salvation, because he hung on to his own securities, everything he had, the very things that would take him away from salvation. He thought he could save himself, on his own, by doing his own thing. Doing your own thing, ain't getting you to heaven, peeps.

So unless you be doing God's thing, which is always ALWAYS a Cross-shaped life, you ain't doin nuthin, however great or glorious you think your stuff is.
To you has been given the secret of the kingdom of God, but for those outside everything is in parables, so that "they may indeed see but not perceive, and may indeed hear but not understand, lest they should turn and be forgiven."

For to the one who has, more will be given, and from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.

This people honors me with their lips,
but their heart is far from me;
in vain do they worship me,
teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’

If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.

Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.
~excerpts from the Gospel of Mark (ESV)

Monday, April 26, 2010

I just Mad-Mened myself

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Haha only after the jump =P

I learnt something over the weekend.

Hear, O Israel : The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
Short and sweet, so packed with meaning but no one stops to take a second look. You think you know this verse? You don't. Cos if you know it, you'd be on your knees.

I learnt that there is no excuse for sin. Ever. It is the only reason why we sometimes think that the Old Testament doesn't apply to us anymore, or that the God in the Old Testament is so judgmental, preferring the loving God in the New. We excuse ourselves as ignorant or not capable of understanding, when we are only lazy, stupid or just wanting to keep on in our sin.

Or whatabout the rest of us, who say we love this LORD and yet... fall short of the subsequent response or actions that should come with our statements of gratitude, thankfulness, love... We talk and talk and talk, but do not make any effort in walking in His ways, cleaning up our act, and loving Him with our all. Much more than that, we laugh... at those who do try. At those who struggle and work at being the person they should be, someone who lives under God's rule, who worships the true God with all of his life. We just think they're stupid for even trying, cos no one can live up to that "perfect" kinda life. 'These requirements weren't made for humans, duh! Who do you think we are? God?!?! Jeez!' 

If you know this God... any bit at all... if you know any grace from Him, if you know what the Cross was and still is, if you know what kinda stupid ridiculous tom fool-of-a-took you are, you would at least try. And you should.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Trying my best

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All my bags are packed, i'm ready to go...

Okay not really, still much more stuff to pack up but since the wedding, i've been bunking in Adrian's room in family home, living out of an overnighter bag filled with the essentials. I'm ready to start nesting in my own place now. I've got big plans for the small space, ready to make it my own. 

In the meantime, living in a new place is hard. Different rules, different people, different way of living, different timings... everything is different. I miss everything about my own family home. I'm trying my best to stop thinking about it as my home, but remember the new "home" i have with my husband now. He is my home. 

I did bring my baby pillow though. Couldn't leave that behind =)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Our rings

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Ahh finally i can show off our rings. Mine says : Submit, as to Christ and Adrian's says : Love as Christ loves. I wanted engraving on the outside cos there really isn't much point in writing those words inside cos i can't see it. Had to find a custom jewelry maker cos no other jeweler would engrave on the outside and the ones who would looked cheap design-wise. It sorta is to me as maybe phylacteries were to the Israelites but so much more. It's making an effort to remember the Lord's words.

Monday, April 19, 2010

My 1st post as a Mrs

Hello! I'm back from my honeymoon! I'm still sick from the wedding, had a sore throat on the wedding day itself and the flu developed throughout the honeymoon. Fun. We were in Penang for a week, and saw a lot of fun things together. I like to call myself an excellent tourist, cos i somehow manage to find cool places to visit even in places you'd never imagine, like Penang.

I'll keep this short cos i still have much to do, cleaning up and sorting stuff out, paying people =P and all, so this is just to say i'm back and look forward to hearing more from Mrs Miller.

I have to say though, my ring is a heavy burden to bear, cos of the words it bears. I struggle with them everyday but it's a blessing and a joy to struggle with those words, the promise i made to God.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Tomorrow, we're legal

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It's really near now, because tomorrow i will be swearing. Angkat sumpah la. Swearing yang lain itu hampir tiap tiap hari ada satu kali (it's bad it's bad i know).

Today (as in yesterday) i collected my wedding dress. Yes. I gave up half way. The lace was too difficult for me to wrestle with so i let a tailor finish up my lace bits. It's SO PRETTY! I feel like Princess Mia Thermopolis in it, except that i don't look like it la. Hehe... she's so pretty how to fight? Anyway, no peeks til saturday =P unless you come to my house.

Time to sleep, blog posts will be short from now til i return from my honeymoon =) Don't mind me, i'm just enjoying myself with my future and then husband, yay! Promise to be back with pictures galore!

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

excited and frazzled

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oh that's okay! It just means it's only 

Monday, April 05, 2010

Struggling to get to grips

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With all these disturbing thoughts lingering in my head ALL the time, i've been having a hard time concentrating on much preparation. I feel like a schizophrenic psycho hormonal PMSing pregnant woman (i'm not) cos i'm mood swinging from one end of happy to soon be married and upset with all the dingbat things going on.

Can you all please... please just do me a favor and help me focus? If you're not part of the solution, you're probably part of the problem. Help me remember that my dream wedding is essentially one with Adrian in it. (That does not give you license to mess with my wedding by the way, just for your info).

Friday, April 02, 2010

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I find it unfair when people say we're crazy to do such a big thing, there's so much planning involved, and like next time they don't wanna get married cos of the whole big planning for the big wedding thing.

Number one : I didn't want the big wedding. I would have been happy with 40-150 people in a beautiful quaint little art gallery, with a tea party after and thats it. Really happy! Just in case you all didn't catch that : REALLY HAPPY!

Number two : Because of the big wedding that i now have, of course la have to do more invitations, more stuff all round. Is that my fault? I don't think so. Am i more stressed out? Of course i am. Does anyone really care? NO. Everyone just wants their own piece of happiness with a massive big wedding. I'm breaking out everywhere, my eczema has come back with full force, does anyone care? No.

Sigh. As long as my nearest and dearest and the church turns up to witness to my vows, to make promises to keep us walking in the ways of God and actually try and keep them, it's good enough for me. In a sense i just can't wait to be over this whole frankenwedding. It just goes to show what people's priorities are. all of whom would prefer me in rashes and stress rather than focusing on my vows and preparing for marriage together.

I'm tired of figuring out how to cover up the little cartoon characters in the hall, trying to figure out how to hang the fabric without it falling. Does anyone else wanna take a whack at it?

Thursday, April 01, 2010

It's the final countdown!

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Nine! Eee exciting nyer! Today the single digit countdown has commenced. Everything's mostly settled now... i say mostly cos there are still plenty of things to complete. I'm aiming for rest and relaxation at this point in time.

I'm happy to receive so many calls from people i don't normally get calls from. It's nice to catch up and share what's going on with the wedding and everything.

I'm randomly plonking down thoughts, cos i'm just stoked that it's only nine days now! I have to write everything down now, cos i keep forgetting everything!

On my to-do list today : Finalize all decorations and write it all down! One thing at a time, one thing at a time. I've bought so much white cloth, it's enough to mummify me. But i need to cover all the kiddie elements in the hall so when it's necessary... Did you like the little white milk jug i posted a couple of days ago? That's gonna be part of the decor in the hall. I'm gonna try my best to make the hall and tent appear garden tea party like. I am determined to make that happen because i am not getting my garden tea party for real so i'll make do, and there's no stopping me =P So i'm imagining garlands and flowers and a slight resemblance to the mad hatter's tea party.