So far...

so good?

Hmm not really. Nobody knows what i see, know, feel...
Cos i can't say a thing.

if only...

Silence

When it rings aloud, i wish it to stop.
But when it is silent, the silence echoes.

I want it to ring, but not for another argument.
I want it to ring, to hear your voice
not angry words
Maybe i want to hear things that boost me up

Maybe i'll just sleep and forget about it.

Truthful lies

Awake ; i feel fresh
Then it all sinks in again.
--
Tears linger nearby
They follow me around like bad BO on a construction worder.
It reeks.
--
People ; so many people
They all wonder what's wrong.
I tell them that oversized bags are the in thing this season
and they laugh, walk away
Embarrassed, i cover the blush with fabrics
--
The call echoes in my head
Accusations pierce through
Tears threaten to envelop me.
Honesty doesn't pay, i think
It takes too much of me.
The believable lie lies just below my tongue.
The deceitful truth cringes in shame.
--
The burden is heavy
I hide under the covers.
I pretend to throw it off my back
and sleep washes over me.
Sleep, makes me forget
Consciousness makes me remember
I'd sleep a million years if i could,
and never wake up.
--
It's my 20th.
You ask what i want this year.
Memory overhaul is out of the question.
If i could,
Sleep.
Hide.
To never wake up.

Personal style

Edit:
Hey! Look. Same dress. Yet again. I think it's growing on me. NOOOOOOO! NO!!!
This can't be. It's a disaster.

I think it just looks good on the model. thats all. nothing to do with the dress.

-----
Okay! I've got to stop criticising other people's personal style and vice versa. There is a reason why it's called personal. For me, i lean more to the comfy side instead of the design side, so sue me if i walk in everyday in jeans and a hoodie. I like it. I'm not interested in breaking my heels wearing tippy topply 3-5inch heels and walking around class, and trying to do work in them. So NOT COMFY. I'll wear sneakers if i want to and everyone will just have to suck it up.

That said, here is something that i just don't get but seems like a lot of people really adore it. I can't stand that its so poofy. Call me a minimalist if you will but i prefer a lot less frill, fluff, floppy and foofiness. Please mind you, i am not keen on the dress, i'm not kutuking this person's style. Cass likes this too, sorry, i just can't understand. This was the one i saw on a really big sized lady with big chest and big butt who looked like an overblown flower wannabe. Seriously, we all should have mirrors. There i go again. Oh well, i didn't like it when people said i looked pregnant in some empire waisted stuff but i think i look fine, non-pregnant totally. I mean, come on. I have practically no tummy. And not to mention that the gathered material falls completely straight down, no flounce or bumps. Aha, jealous ke? =P

Hah so there. Criticise in your head as you like but please keep comments to yourself. It's not nice. I mean, don't feel compelled to critique unless totally major case of teruk, like unshaved pits or something. Just think it in your head or better yet, don't even bother. Just smile and get over it. Cos there's soooooo much more things to do.

It becomes me

I think i'm going crazy.
Nutters, bonkers. Totally out of my mind.
Nobody understand, nobody can ever understand.
You all just don't get it.
So don't bother trying.
Don't talk to me about suffering.
You don't know the half of it.

Only you.
Only you really understand.
I just don't know how to accept it.
Cos i've been living this way, with no one to understand me for so long, that i just don't know how to take someone finally understanding what's really going on.

Snap Crackle and Pop.
Thats what i do to people who don't understand.
Just can't trust anyone in this world.
I don't think i even know what trust is.

So life goes on and i go on, living in ignorant bliss.
But ignorance outgrows its bliss in time.
And torture becomes me.

Stale ciggie smoke in the elevator.
Stinks.
Depression is just anger without enthusiasm.
Sigh. Probably sums me up in these six words. I'm enthusiasm-less. Unenthused. Sob.

-----

I'm eagerly awaiting a good copy of Factory Girl starring Sienna Miller as Edie Sedgwick.
Will so have to share it with Cass cos i think she'll love it too. Edie Sedgwick is such a fashion inspiration of the now. We were trying to get it at the dvd shop near Dexon but they were out of stock unfortunately. I've never heard of a dvd shop being out of stock. I'm thinking, wouldnt they try and sell as many dvds as possible? Sigh.

Wahahaa, so many new things, so little time.

Perky things! For sewing app, we get to do everything in REAL fabrics now, not just the crappy smelling muslin from the college closets. Bleurgh. So first thing is a short jacket with mandarin collar. Will post when done. Did up a couple of bags too, and will proceed to create some clutches Cassey-style (meaning: really humoungous)

And have you heard? You better have. Project Runway Malaysia! and So You Think You Can Dance Malaysia! Although i'm not talented enought to join either, for Project Runway, at least i have the slightest bit of chance, but i'm underaged. Blekkk. Anyway, enjoy them both la! P.R. isn't out yet but SYTYCD is on every Thursday at 8tv. -Here i sound like an ad =(-

Watch Perfume! It's abit freaky but totally worth watching.

Okaayyyy.....reviews over. Lets get back to the rest of life now...which is work.

Last day!

Hu hu...last day of hols.

I think i'm abit nervous. I've been really blessed marks wise, but not so good performance wise. Sigh. I think i really need to work alot harder.

I need to focus! FOCUS! Really focus on work only. Gah. Cheer me on.