Getting the hang of it

Seem to be getting the hang of this how i think affects the way i feel affects how i act thing. I find myself going around telling myself off under my breath whenever i think stupid unnecessary things that usually piss me off. Then i really do feel alot better after that.

Like for one instance, i think there was this stupid couple that was so engrossed with each other that they didn't notice anything else around them and they kinda blocked up the whole pathway and when i tried to pass, they bumped into me. So i was quite annoyed, especially cos they were so ber-mushy mushy, and i was feeling abit jealous, so i was kinda muttering expletives under my breath. Then i caught myself and mentally slapped myself, telling myself its okay, no reason to be angry, you're supposed to love these people, and i tried to envision myself loving these people. And i didn't feel so angry or jealous after that. Hahaha...should keep it up! Maybe this way i won't feel so angry all of the time and waste my emotional energy.

And since i'm in the business of self-control and love right now, i figured a good person to love would be myself. Now, my ezcema has gotten a whole lot worse, no thanks to all the camps and sweat and stress. And i know that if i don't scratch at a scab, it will heal a whole lot faster, so i'm trying to control myself and not scratch so everything will heal faster. It's pretty hard, especially at night, but i'll try my best la. I mean, i wanna wear all the clothes that i have in my closet but i can't cos my skin is so ugly. My parents don't make me feel any better about my skin at all. My mum especially is very critical about it. If it shows, my mum will say things like "Eeyer, can see. So ugly." Thanks mom, it doesnt help my already much lowered self esteem la. And my dad seems to think i'm the cause of all this skin problems.

You see, logically, he's the cause, because he carried the gene from his family down to me and my sis. Haha, and logically since my sis developed it first, she's the one who started this outbreak. But what's the point of pointing fingers at who to blame? What's most important is to get rid of it la. I certainly don't want to live with this for the rest of my life. Lagi lagi i'm female. Ergh.

So thats for self control and love today...