Fireman comes to the rescue!

I almost got real angry again today.
And i'm glad for my dear Fireman.
I felt it coming on, the choke in my throat, but He came in and cooled me.
Helped me understand, rationalise and react in a nicer way.
Makes me really sad to know that i could be real teruk without him.
Makes me feel guilty for the many times i did.
Makes me more determined to never do things like that again.
Maybe i should think about anger management classes -.-

[honestly]
Honestly, there ARE many things i don't like about myself.
And honestly, i am getting help (like my fireman) in changing these ugly things.
And honestly, i'm feeling a mite discouraged.
Cos honestly, this sucks.
Honestly, i wasn't and probably still aren't an honest person.
Not honest to people, not honest to myself, not honest to God.
And it really discourages me when i'm trying to be honest and stupid things happen.
Like when my parents were surprised that the one who committed the so-called crime wasn't me.
The first thing they did was point the finger at me.
And i had been clean for a long time.
You can't imagine how upset i was.
And discouraging incidents like that, get me wondering...
whether i should even bother, since no one will believe me anyway.
God knows, i regret ever letting myself get an evil track record like that.
I know how hard it is to rebuild a reputation.
And i have been working real hard at it, especially the one with my parents.
And i'm so thankful that now they believe me.

...now its just everyone else...