In real life, i'm the oldest girl.
But sometimes, i feel like the youngest. I feel small, insignificant and usually what happens is i let other people do things for me, make decisions, take responsibility. I feel especially young when i'm not taken seriously. I get my way but if i don't i throw tantrums *i used to anyway* And most of my older family members, eg. grandparents, grandaunties etc, dote on me. My younger sister acts older than i do. Sometimes it seems like we've reversed roles.
I also feel i'm in the middle. My younger cousins are all 5 years ++ younger than me and my older cousins are so much older than me, and all married, kids and moved away. I'm too old to really appreciate being with the kids and i'm too young to hang with the older ones. I'm not super intelligent yet not completely stupid, always just average. I'm just the monkey in the middle.
Other times, i feel the oldest and resent it so much. Do this, do that, be good, be a good example etc. At times like this, i always think,'I didn't ask to be born first. Why should i do it?' I'm quite bossy and being right or being in control is very important to me. I'm quite selfish, i think ever since the younger ones were born, i'd had to share things with them all the time, and i hated it cos they'd always return it to me broken, drooled on or something. And they'd always get away with it, blinking their innocent eyes. And everyone will tell me, 'Ah they're still young. They don't understand. You, being older, should understand that by now.'
Now i'm old enough to see all this and i realise its not a matter of which child you are that makes you who you are. It's whose child you are. And i'm a child of God. And that is what matters in making me who i should be.
But sometimes, i feel like the youngest. I feel small, insignificant and usually what happens is i let other people do things for me, make decisions, take responsibility. I feel especially young when i'm not taken seriously. I get my way but if i don't i throw tantrums *i used to anyway* And most of my older family members, eg. grandparents, grandaunties etc, dote on me. My younger sister acts older than i do. Sometimes it seems like we've reversed roles.
I also feel i'm in the middle. My younger cousins are all 5 years ++ younger than me and my older cousins are so much older than me, and all married, kids and moved away. I'm too old to really appreciate being with the kids and i'm too young to hang with the older ones. I'm not super intelligent yet not completely stupid, always just average. I'm just the monkey in the middle.
Other times, i feel the oldest and resent it so much. Do this, do that, be good, be a good example etc. At times like this, i always think,'I didn't ask to be born first. Why should i do it?' I'm quite bossy and being right or being in control is very important to me. I'm quite selfish, i think ever since the younger ones were born, i'd had to share things with them all the time, and i hated it cos they'd always return it to me broken, drooled on or something. And they'd always get away with it, blinking their innocent eyes. And everyone will tell me, 'Ah they're still young. They don't understand. You, being older, should understand that by now.'
Now i'm old enough to see all this and i realise its not a matter of which child you are that makes you who you are. It's whose child you are. And i'm a child of God. And that is what matters in making me who i should be.
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