A to Z's of Erin

A is for Ambiguous - for when you really can't tell which is which... some people find me weird, can't tell whether i'm naughty or nice =P
B is for Bold *sometimes anyway
C is for Cool thats what lame, loser, bothersome people get
D is for Someone i know
E is for ExtraSpecial and ExtraOrdinary Me!!
F is for Fun & Funny i'd like to think i have a sense of humour and appreciate a good joke
G is for Gorgeous!
H is for Hamsters
I is for Intelligent??? ahahahha
J is for Joker...
K is for Kiddy-fied..i'm just a 9 yr old in a 19 yr old's body.
L is for Love Sucks!
M is for Malaysian! Bleh, i'm not that patriotic...
N is for NOsey Parker...
O is for the Organised Mess my room is.
P is for imPatience is my virtue...ahahahaha....
Q is for Queen of my domain...
R is for Rocking!
S is for SESAAAATTT!
T is for Tall?? Maybe among girls la.
U is for Unusual...
V is for Vocal!
W is for Whack you!
X is for How would i know what X is for???
Y is for Yo-yo like quality of bouncing back *almost
Z is for Zest for Life

Past Post...

XBFs

I was just suddenly thinking about my xbfs...

1st - i still have a slight thing for him....although it is overshadowed by BouncingNinjaTurtle's wonderfullness... aww...how maudlin...broke up cos of a misunderstanding....so actually it was for no good reason...i guess we weren't meant to be together

2nd - i never EVER want to remember why i was attracted to him in the first place. never really got together and never really broke apart

3rd - my longest relationship (so far)...2 yrs...wasted...cheated on me, several times then left me for Smelly...hah....what a guy...i have fantastic taste

4th - this time it was my mistake...

well the latest one........still together and i hope he never becomes the 5th

Spotted @ 10:12 PM 0 second hand roses

That was what i posted several months ago. Now he's fifth...
But we're still good, great friends. Which is more than i can say for the rest. Thank God for small mercies...

Miracles Happen

-Kuchi Rat has passed away. i'm not sure what caused his death but i'm pretty sure it's the haze. I came back yesterday and he was just lying there. He was breathing but taking rather ragged breaths. i knew he was dying, but i can't do much. i knew that he wouldn't last through the night. And my guess was right, i woke up this morning and he was gone. I wonder if hamsters go to heaven, whether they have souls... but i know that God will take care of all that He created so i know that Kuchi Rat's in safe hands now.

-He's leaving. Going to find God. I wish him all the best. I know God will reveal Himself to whoever who looks for Him and thus, i have faith that he will find what he's looking for. I might have pissed him off abit before he left, so i say, i'm sorry. I'm sorry i couldn't pray for you then, i promise you will always be in my prayers and we'll continue our cleansing journey when you get back.

-The haze miraculously cleared after the Impressions presentation. God is good and He gives us alot. it was clear all the way home for me. Miracles happen...

I'm going back...

What's been happening in my life lately?

Lots of things i suppose but whether or not i want to publicise it is another matter.
Anyway, i'll write what i am at liberty to write la.

Well, the only and most important piece of news is, i haven't been very much "into" God lately. He's not been very responsive, or at least the way that i would have liked it to be and truthfully, i've lost much faith in this God that i still love. Sometimes it feels like He's not there, or He's there but He just can't be bothered to help me out. But now, i suppose He's had enough of me complaining complaining and always blaming Him for all the wrongs thats been happening in my life, and i guess you can say that He's giving me an ultimatum. Come back to Me or else. In a nice way of course.

Several days ago, or more accurately yesterday, something bad happened to me. Lets just say, i felt a great loss and deprivation. I felt punished for something that i didn't do, that wasn't my fault. As usual, there i go, blaming everyone else but me for my problems. I was almost at the verge of desperation, i didn't understand why that particular thing had to happen, especially cos it was at the most unexpected time, just when i thought everything was going fine and dandy. No surprise, i was extremely distraught, upset and couldn't really care less about the consequences of my actions then. I didn't understand why God had to let this happen now. I cried and i cried and i drove almost everyone nuts, up the wall, or worried to no end. I went home, still confused, with puffy eyes and a stuck nose, and i still couldn't understand.

Today, i went out shopping or retail therapy with DeOriginalMeow. She took my mind off everything, such a dear she is. Then she dragged me along to one of her practices, where i would encounter some problems again. I thought i would break down again there, and i nearly did. Then she sang and the songs she sang, hit me like a ton of bricks...

There is no problem so big, God cannot solve it. There is no mountain so tall, He cannot move it.
There is no storm so dark, God cannot calm it. There is no sorrow so deep, God cannot soothe it.
If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders.
I know , my brother, that He will carry you.
If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders.
I know, my sister, that He will carry you.
He said, Come unto Me all who are weary , and I will give you rest.

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You
I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
Im carried in everlasting arms
Youll never let me go
Through it all

Then i understood. Why this is happening, why He wants me to give what i thought was everything to me up. For the simple reason, that He wants me back. I suppose it can be said that my God is a jealous God, there should not be any other besides Him. And i understand that completely now. I suppose that by understanding i shouldn't feel as bad as i did. and i don't. Not that it stops me from feeling sad but it's not a feeling of loss anymore. With this "loss", i'll be gaining much more in the eyes of God. He told me, I will always be faithful to you, it's time you are faithful to me too. I have not forgotten you, and in the end, your reward will be great if you follow Me now.

Now that i know, it helps. I feel so sorry that it had to come to this for God to call me back.
And i will return to Him.

This "revelation" is dedicated to several special people in my life, that i have not appreciated enough for their efforts of pulling me back to God... BouncingNinjaTurtle, DeOriginalMeow and MaternalParental... Just to tell you, i know now.
Thank you.

Heaven Help me

Today I prayed to God and asked him why he gave me the ability to feel so much pain. The ability to suffer so much.
I asked him why he allowed my heart to hurt for so long, why the cut still feels so fresh.
Maybe for a period of time, I managed to stitch the wound and close it up. I don't think I'm very good at it though. I think the wound just reopened. It hurts so bad.....

God,
I've been told so many times that everything happens for a reason. Its been so long, I still don't find that reason valid.

Today, I prayed to God to guide me and show me where I am supposed to go, what was the purpose this hurt played.

Then, I curled up on my bed and cried.

About me

Musical Instruments played: haha.. abit of piano...thats about it

Musical groups affiliated with: none. i have no talent.

Any siblings: 13 yr old sister

Hometown: Kay Elle...

Have you ever gone skinny dipping?: nope

Favorite color: blue, lime green, purple, pink

Best online friend(s): I'm antisocial

One pillow or two: try 5

Pets: Earl Grey, Scaredycat, Kuchi Rat, Tessera. by the way, they're all hamsters.

Favorite Book: Whitney, my love

Favorite Music: no faves...i have many fave songs tho

Favorite Movie(s): a League of their own... dance movies...

Favorite Actor(s):Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise

Favorite Actress(es): Geena Davis, Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock

Have you ever been convicted of a crime: no

Favorite tv show(s): NO faves

Words or phrases you overuse: really?

Toothpaste: whatevers in the bathroom at the moment

Favorite Food: italian./...macaroni n cheese

Soon to be boyfriend: What the hck? more like soon to not be boyfriend

Piercings or tattoos: 4 ear piercings

Favorite town to chill in: Kay Elle, Pee Jay

Favorite ice Cream: Double Choc

Favorite soda: Hahaha

What's your bed time?: whenever i pass out in a heap on the bed, floor, sofa, whatever

Adidas, Nike, or Reebok?: None

Favorite sport to watch: IS dance a sport?

Most embarrassing moment: too many to remember

Favorite Holiday: Christmas and New year

What do you look for in the opposite sex?: i don't.

Smile...

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it`s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you`ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You`ll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That`s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what`s the use of crying?
You`ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That`s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what`s the use of crying?
You`ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

So true isn't it? What's the use of crying?

But it's not like that will stop you from crying anyway.

Know what Love means?

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is
your voice caught within your chest??
-It isn't love, it's LIKE.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of her, am I
right??
-It isn't love, it's LUST.

Are you proud, and eager to show her off??
-It isn't love, it's LUCK.

Do you want her because you know she's there??
-It isn't love, it's LONELINESS.

Are you with her because it's what everyone
wants??
-It isn't love, it?it's LOYALTY.

Are you with her because she kissed you, or held
your hand?
-It isn't love, it's LOW CONFIDENCE.

Do you stay for her confessions of love, because
you don't want to hurt her?
-It isn't love, it's PITY.

Do you belong to her because the sight of her
makes your heart skip a beat??
-It isn't love, it's INFATUATION.

Do you pardon her faults because you care about
her?
-It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP.

Do you tell her every day she is the only one you
think of?
-It isn't love, it's a LIE.

Are you willing to give up all of your favorite things
for her sake?
-It isn't love, it's CHARITY.

Does your heart ache and break when she's sad?
-Then it's LOVE.

Do you cry for her pain, even when she's strong?
-Then it's LOVE.

Do her eyes see your true heart, and touch your
soul so deeply it hurts?
-Then it's LOVE.

Do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls
you close and holds you to her?
-Then it's LOVE.

Do you accept her faults because it's a part of
who she is?
-Then it's LOVE.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with her
faithfully without regret??
-Then it's LOVE.

Would you give her your heart, your life, your
death??
-Then it's LOVE.

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do
we love? Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death ofself? Why?
The answer is so simple cause it's...LOVE. It is
such an addictive thing that even people who are
not having it wish to experience it and share it with
others as well.

All the above: IS BULLSHIT.

THERES NO SUCH THING AS LOVE, LOYALTY...NO SUCH THING.

Can't Wait

i can't wait to go for breakdance training on wednesday and thursday.

i can't wait to stop working at the end of this week.

i can't wait to enjoy the weekend.

i can't wait to do more shopping.

i can't wait to go for the meeting on sunday.

i can't wait to celebrate the last few days of holiday.

i can't wait to get back to college.

i can't wait to see my friends from college.

i can't wait to go for PBA.

i can't wait til December hols are here.

I can't wait til MAD camp comes.

i can't wait til bootcamp is here.

i can't wait til bootcamp is over.

i just can't wait!!!

Update

Hmm..since my last few blogs were about sesated Internet explorer, let me update you about whats been happening in my boring life...

Thursday
======
-Started work at Moleque boutique again. it's my auntie's co-owned shop in taman tun, selling a whole lot of beaded sandals, shoes, heels, tunics, baju kebaya, and much more. i worked there before, during my hols before college. after i left for college, they couldn't find anyone else to work there so kinda susah for them...so i thought i'd help them out while i'm on hols, earn some money...

Friday
====
-Same old same old. work, bla bla...then i went for the Jazz fest over in Mont Kiara around 9-ish. Met QianLittle, Swen, Chiam, Sharmurami, BouncingNinjaTurtle, StDavinus and a whole lot more...haha. i can safely say that i saw at least 10 ppl i know there. FatBoy was there with his friends. and Jason Tomas too, although i feel very bad cos he lost his phone and he was having such a bad day too. Just topping off the icing on his cake la. I met BouncingNinjaTurtle's old friends from yonks ago.
-But it seems to me that the Jazz fest is really wasted on Malaysians. Cos i feel most people are there to socialise, really, not there to appreciate music. Anyway, that doesn't really matter. Heineken's happy of course.

Saturday
=====
-slept till four pm, the sleepy head that i am.
-then managed to get out of my bed cos my parents wanted to go to MidValley. and i knew what that meant: SHOPPING!!! so i eagerly jumped out of bed and followed them out.
-almost at MV, D calls. There's a party for JoshM on tonight at 6.30pm. i looked at my watch:6pm. Wow, what great timing. Anyway, i decided to skip shopping with my parents and all the perks that comes with it to go for the party la.
-uh-oh, just realised. no ride to the party. Just my luck, StDavinus calls. Hey, whaddayaknow, he's in MidValley with his parents too! so i hitch a ride with davin and co to the party.
-party was kinda boring after a while. didn't manage to play many games. people were just lingering around, playing pool, working the bbq pits, playing chess...geez, should have just stuck with shopping.
-left around 11.30pm. D dropped me home.
-Chitchatted with D until early morning. Quite depressing conversation we had though.

Sunday
=====
-wake up so depressed, i don't feel like getting out of bed cos that means i'll surely think and re-think about those depressing things on my mind. so i turn over, pull the comforter over my head and snore...
-breakdance class again. I seriously think that i'm getting better but slow though. i'm not as flexible as Patience but i can do most of the freezes and stuff that we've already learnt. i suppose thats an improvement. but well, we're having more practices during the week so i gues that;ll help. -went for dinner and movie with D. watched stealth. the show was quite good, generally predictable movie but the ending was different to what i expected. i won't spoil the show for you, but it's an overall okay movie so go and watch it.

Well, thats all...

I found the reason why...

Re: the previous post, all the problems people have reading my blog is because...

YOU GUYS STILL USE INTERNET EXPLORER!!!

my site works best with mozilla firefox...it's so much faster and better than i.e.
less bugs and viruses too...

here you can download it for free @
http://www.mozilla.org/products/firefox/

Noooo!!

There's something wrong with my blog.

50% of my blogreaders says its great, everything can be seen and played with and clicked. To cut it short, everything works fine. Maybe just that it's too pink =P

the other 50% says i can't see anything, can't click anything. everythings not working, maybe there's too many things in the blog...bla bla...

so what the heck am i supposed to do? i got rid of some of the tickers, the poll, the guestbook, the virtual pet...man! should be fine now, since it's mostly just text...

i don't know!! so complicating! darn...

what to do???