Christmas Rocks

inally, here are some pics... i don't have them all, most of them are in other people's camera's but these are what i have.



This was from my house party. We were playing this crazy game called Cranium. Nuts! Very fun though. Banyaks la the drama that happened during this game...


















These sunrise pics were from...PD! Haha, after service on Christmas Eve, everything moved so fast, everyone was in a little bit of a blur.

We wanted to go for drinks after so Derek suggested Burger King, cos he's been there before at 2.30am and it was 24hrs. So we all packed into cars like tuna fish cans and headed for BK. We arrived to discover that BK was closed. Apparently only the drive through was 24 hrs. And so everyone was prepared to "walk-through" but well, not everyone was happy so we brought the party next door to McD's.

We were there for the record time of an hour when everyone got up to leave. Crazy?! Sheesh all these boyfriend la girlfriend la mummy calling la. Eeyer, so annoying. Its like everyone who is in a couple, is no fun oredi =( Anyway, so left me, jan, adrian, elvy, jovenne and tristen and tristen took jan n jo home after a bit anyway. The three of us tak puas and so we decided to...hehe...drive to PD!

So we did, and waited for sunrise. But Elvy argues that the only one that was actually awake to see the sunrise was her, cos Adrian n i dozed off. It was her snoring that put us to sleep lah! Nah, just kidding. So there, all the pretty pictures were from the seaside sunrise on Christmas day! We drove back to KL, reached around 10am and promptly went to breakfast at one of the worst mamaks near my house. I mean, we're tired, near complete zoinkness and even we were more courteous than that evil mamak waiter/owner/whatever. He rolled his eyes cos we took abit longer to make our decisions and was being so freaking rude. I've never been there, even thought i've passed it many times, i decided to be nice and langgan the guy la. But well, we're never going back there again.

And for the rest of you, never ever go to Restoran BRJ or whatever its stupid name is, cos the service there really sucks.

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...And that was your friendly neighbourhood report on lame-ass places to eat...

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After that, we went back to my place cos Elvy needed the loo and when we came down, we decided to play a prank on Adrian. So we both got into the car, acting all excited and said "OKAY! Now off to Ipoh, to eat ipoh chicken rice!"...

HAHAHA...

The poor guy actually started moving the car, but his face was so kesian while saying, "Huh, but i wanna go home" so pitifully. Elvy thinks if i hadn't kesianed him and told him we were joking, he might have actually drove us off to Ipoh anyway! Haha so that was very funny.

So i slept and slept until woken by Andrea. She wanted us to go out or something and i was half asleep so i said ok why not. So met her at her house and she said she needed to pick something up from her friend's house. I said okay, and she goes to the same apartment blocks that Qian stays in. So she calls her friend and i think her friend was coming down to the car, i wasn't really paying attention cos i was half dead and trying to message someone with my stupid dumb signall-less phone. Guess who?

IT WAS QIAN!!!
She reached at about 4am and she's gonna be home for two months! Yay.
Anyway, i malas to continue writing. It's already a really long post. So see ya, cos i have a life!

TAG! I'm it!

Name 11 people you can think of right off the top of your head. Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 11 people. This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first. NO CHEATING!! At the end of this, choose 5 people to do this. =)

1. Derek
2. Adrian
3. Mel
4. Daniel
5. Andrea
6. Qian
7. Janning
8. Davin
9. Swen
10. Elvy
11. Joshua

How did you meet 10?
I think i met this bummer at one AFC camp...

What would you do if you had never met 6?
Huhu, what a deprived life i would lead. No one to go shopping and teman Drea with...

What would you do if 6 and 2 dated?
Qian and Adrian... hmm, i don't think she's his type. Would be kinda weird, for those who know what i mean!

Have you ever seen 4 cry?
Nope i don't think so. He's not a man of many and varied reactions to things, he's so cool calm and collected all the time.

Do you think 1 is cute?
HAHAHA! What do you think?

Tell me something about number 11.
Josh? He's a real crazy wacky driver and a real sweetie at heart, even though he acts so macho.

How do you know 8?
How do i know Davin? I suppose i know him reasonably enough, met him when Derek brought him to St. Paul's for some occasion and he stuck around after that.

Would you ever go on a date with number 5?
I'm strictly heterosexual, mind you.

What's 7's favourite colour?
Purple? Oh..no, that's her BFF's fave colour. I don't know la!

What would you do if 6 confessed they liked you?
Like i said before, i'm strictly heterosexual, so i wouldn't encourage anything of that sort. But if she says she likes me as a friend or something like that, then...OF COURSE THAT's FINE!

Fact about number 9:
Swen Swen Swen... She's a busy bee. She's got great hair and shops like crazy.

Who is 4 going out with?
Who else...

Who is number 5 to you?
She's part of the sisterhood, yo mama! Haha, nope that doesn't work when i say it.

Would you ever live with 11?
Josh? Er...i don't think so. Can't keep up with his happening lifestyle.

Is 2 single?
Not sure now...

Where does 7 live?
TTDI

What do you think about 3?
Abit shy, pleasant person... I think she's cute...

What's the best thing about number 8?
He always twinkles when he smiles!

What do you like about number 10?
She's...huggable? ahahah just kidding! She's a good venting ear.

Favourite memory with 2?
Hahaha i think it was at camp and at PD. That was a real fun time =)

And the 5 random persons TAGGED:
Drea
Hobbit
Janning
Swen
Ash

Cheers, humbugs!

I had a great time today! I was feeling a little down in the dumps cos of things that have been happening yesterday and the day before. I was feeling really let down by things, i got into a minor accident which i haven't told my parents about yet *eesh* and i kept arguing with people. I really am not in a very sympathetic or forgiving mood currently.

Bah Humbug yah?

Bleh, life sucks. But we just have to...u know...suck it up!
Lots of things i wanna blog about but well...too many people read my blog.
Although...i could make this blog private now that i can.

anyway, not like that many people read my blog so i will.
This is the end of an era.
If not invited, well, you'll never read this blog ever again.
Toodle-oo!

Geramnye!

Eeeeee...geramnye!
Sometimes people annoy me so much.
People who don't care, people i care about, people who don't appreciate me caring for them and all the rest of the people in the world.

ARGH!

Rob me!

I passed by a bank robbery today.
Even the yellow tape didn't make it look impressive.
Apparently, there were armed robbers and they got away with a bag of money.
This guy loitering by the roadside, well...me n my friend, we stopped him and asked him what happened. He was inside the bank when it happened and he says it was over in about 10 minutes!
Haha so ridiculous.

Well another well done to our police.

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I was supposed to go Cameron's today, but well!
Can't really rely on people as usual.

Sometimes i wish i had more adventurous friends.
You know, people who would just up and at 'em at a moment's notice or who are up for anything and say that 'There's always a first time for everything!'
Hard lah to find. And i won't do some of the things i want to do without kaki.
Sigh what can i do.
People will be people.
Sheesh.

Here it goes again

Late niters seem to come hand in hand with college life. i hate it. And its usually because i'm lazy and left it to last minute, but this time round, i've been hardworking but still i hve to stay up late. Why? Other people are irresponsible. End up i have to do all the work. Sheesh.

I hate groupwork for college. Cos people...sigh. U just can't rely on people.

It's 5.30am, my brains are fried and i feel like murder. Not only that, today's a day for a final exam. Life sucks, ya know it, but God is great and He will pull me through this. I haven't even studied yet. But thanks to hardwork and stuff in the early part of the semester, i've got a high enough grade to pass i think. Hah! Thank goodness for that.

Anyway, let me try and catch some shut eye now, maybe for a couple of minutes. Sigh

Second Best

I'm tired of being second best. In God's eyes, of course i'm unique special and everything else. I'm blessed with talents no one else has. But my worth in the world is so little, i'm shown.

But why should i care? Why should i care about my worth based on worldly measurements? I can say i try not to, but sometimes it really gets me down. But God will lift me up, lift me in His big hands and tell me that He loves me and thats all that matters.

These recent days, many things have happened. I've been tested beyond what i thought was my limits but i came through in the end. Even though people might not see it, but i know what i have accomplished so far by the grace of God.

I thank God for my friends, who keep me grounded in Christ. They pull me back when i leap out the protective circle and they remind me of who and what i'm supposed to be.

So be good people.
(insert punctuation as you like)

Me back!

Well i'm back from camp. Still abit tired, even after a full night's rest. Lots of things happened at camp, lots of first time experiences and lots of fun. It was both good and bad and i have many testimonies from there. But i'll leave that to another day, cos i think i'm still abit lethargic and i wanna SLEEP!

Just to let you know i'm back, thats all.

Tis the season...

Tis the season to be jolly
Falalalalaaaa la la la laaaa!

And it's also the season of camps.
Coming up this Friday is the DYC camp until the 12th.
so thats why i have to blog now, otherwise it would be ages until u next read anything.
This has been a record time period in between posts since i started blogging.

update:
I recently started working at Moleque again. Just for two weeks and for a little bit of extra money. Sigh. I'm a bit broke. I think i might just discontinue G4G training to save on money. So far i've only decided to discontinue for a month, but who knows. I might stop for good. Firstly cos i need the time, i can't afford to give that precious weekend time to dance. The weekend is my only day of rest. Sigh, then it's the money. Can't afford that too. not with the additional costs my materials are bringing on.

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Semester one is coming to an end. In two weeks time to be exact. And boy am i relieved. I so need a break. i need to recharge and renew. I'm getting abit lethargic and tired. But i would say i really enjoyed my semester and it didnt seem like a drag at all. not like before.
Textile projects
[ x ] Handphone pouch
[1/2] Silk garment revamp
[1/2] Felt toy
[3/4] Obi + weave
[ ] Screen printing + batik
Colour theory projects
[1/2] Bed linen design
[3/4] Colour wheel
[ ] Song lyrics bag
[X] Line drawings
History of Costume projects
[1/2] Robin Hood report
[ ] Nyonya Peranakan report
Fashion Merchandising projects
[X] Retailing research report
[X] Buying report
[ ] Final report

So basically i have to finish all this in two weeks time or less. aiya. I think i can do it la. Me the woman.

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Anyway that's it for an update. boring kan i just told u what happened in the past few weeks and listed out stuff i need to do. hahah. Not in the mood to give you a good description.

another time la.

MIFW Tickets!

I have two.
You want, call.
First come first served.
Starts November 23-26.
Dress code: Fashionably chic
Starts tomorrow at 10am.

Suddenly I See...

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
Everything around her is a silver pool of light
People who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

And I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
And you can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on a wire

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
She makes me feel like I could be a tower
Big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

.................................................................................................................

Don't ask me why i'm including song lyrics everytime i post.
I like it, if you don't, too bad.
so far so good in life.
Nothing bad of note, besides some evil people trying to spoil my grades and evil male drivers who blame women drivers for their accidents.
Ergh!
What makes men think they're such good drivers?
So what if all the f1 drivers are men?
Doesn't make them good drivers.
Just proves the car is great and they can turn the wheel.

Honestly, i think women drivers are more conscientious.
Not all, i give you that.
But men have no right to slap their foreheads and sigh when they see women drivers.
Cos men drivers are stupid too.
And i have to say that most of the worst accidents i've ever seen are all by men.

But anyway, nothing against men in general.
Just a couple of idiots i've happened to encounter on the road.

..............................................................................................................

Life's good.
God's good to me, giving me trials and temptations to teach me important lessons of life.
I have to admit i'm not happy with some of the things i have to go thru to learn them but God knows best.
So i just have to accept the things i cannot change and change what i can.

And girls, i know you've been asking so here's the answer.
No i'm not with a new guy!
Hahaha awwwwww
Too bad ya.
You can keep gossiping anyway cos you know what they say, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Muahaha.

I'm as single as i can get.
But what defines single anyway?
The choice is either single or married.
So if you're dating, you're still single?
As long as you're not married?
anyway, whatever la.
Not my problem.
Asalkan i'm not a (check the divorcee box) person.

Anyway, here's the update, there's my study alarm, and bye is me.

Hard to be faithful

Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why are you calling me so late...

.............................................................................................................

Well ya. There are many different types of unfaithful.
And i know you know we know...
so we tahu tahu je la.

College assignments are piling up as i type,
but as usual, i'd rather watch America's Next Top Model.
Inspiration, i call it.
I won't say i'm not excited about my course.
I am! I am!
My parents are paying 68k++ for it, i HAVE to be excited!
But the thing is, i've always been abit of a quitter.
I might do it anyway, but there's no spirit in it.
No point doing it without a good spirit then.

But i'm so determined not to quit this time.
I love what i do, what i'm doing now.
It's great, but...
Child's play u know.
I wanna get to the down n dirty painful sewing classes,
drafting and making stuff.
Now we're just making stuffed toys for kids.
Sheesh.
But i guess its a start.
I think i should stop complaining now.
EVERYTHING'S GREAT!

On a separate note, i have been losing a lot of weight lately.
My weight suddenly dropped to about 100 pounds. and yo - yoed around for awhile.
I now weigh 110 pounds for a 5ft 6in body which is severely underweight.
Ideally i should be 124 pounds.
But i'm gaining again, which is real good.
Cos people say i'm looking really skinny.
But i don't think so.
i'm not anorexic again.
I don't think i'm skinny but i don't think i'm fat either.
It's just that my upper body is a lot smaller than my lower body,
and unfortunately my body distributes the fat straight to my ass and thighs.
So people, stop saying i'm skinny. I'm not.
And i DONT have anorexia anymore, so stop bugging me.
Thank you.

Hello again.

Dear Eczema,

I haven't missed you at all. The couple of months i've spent itch free was almost heaven. I only wish you didn't return so soon. Not that i wasn't expecting you. How can i not, since dust is invitation enough for you. I have resigned myself to this life, with you around, always lingering in the sidelines.

I only wish that one day, you will go away forever.

Me

These foolish things

A cigarette that bears a lipstick's traces
An airline ticket to romantic places
Still my heart has wings
These foolish things remind me of you.

A tinkling piano in the next apartment
Those stumblin' words
That told you what my heart meant
A fairground painted swings
These foolish things remind me of you.

You came, you saw, you conquered me
When you did that to me
I knew somehow this had to be
The winds of march that made my heart a dancer
A telephone that rings but who's to answer
Oh, how the ghost of you clings
These foolish things remind me of you

Meow, people.
My posts have been quite boring of late.
No controversial issues, no furious ranting.
Everything's been rather dull.
Well, life's like that sometimes.
I never promised you a rose garden, remember?
There must be rain sometimes.

How am i?
I'm okay, i'm fine.
I'm still alive for crying out loud.
That itself already requires some applaud in this world.

91 is the current number of people who have died since the deeparaya season started
Most of them motorcycle riders.
i think i met 92, 93, 94 on the road today
Sometimes i can't help but think that they deserve it.
Maybe i'm generalising but well, it sure seems like all these mat motors have a death wish.
I'm not at all sympathetic with these motor deaths.
I think most of them need to be OFF the road.
Its so annoying how whether they're wrong or right, they're always right in the eyes of the "law".
Real pisses me off.

Maybe i should purchase a little scooter of my own.
Zip around, purposely knocking people over to get a little monetary compensation.
Sheesh.

Sorry.
I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed today.
But well, i only have one side to wake up from anyway.
And if that happens to be the wrong side, too bad la.
And so here i am, ranting away, tapping hard and quick on my keyboard,
Punching at it with the tips of my fingers,
my thoughts, flowing through.
Some of them make it onto the screen,
black and white.
But most...
Most end up as secrets
Innermost deepest thoughts that are secured in a secret place
a prison, where no one who call themselves my friends want to delve into.
No one, except for two.
One is my dear Friend...
the other...well, the other's identity lies in that gaol too.
And so for those of you who think you know everything about me because you read my blog,
where i share with you parts of my life...
Think again.

Sheeshkebab

sigh
i'm a good girl at heart really.
hahaha, what a pathetic thing to say.
So many things i wanna blog about but...
you tahu tahu je la.

anyway, here's a depressing update on college.
i have two nice lecturers and one lecturer from hell.
this lecturer frm hell is so freaking mean.
I mean, come on la. you know some students will not have a good grasp on the language so chill la. slow down, explain in layman's terms. I mean does it take that much to stop n explain slowly? It probably takes the same amount of time u use to sms on ur phone which u do all the freaking time. He kept scolding this girl that couldn't understand what the heck he wanted and kept telling her its wrong, erase the whole thing n start again. She probably did that 3-4 times.

so i got real pissed off and i decided to go n help her. *chewah, nice me popping up*
eesh.
people like that really cheese me off.
i wanted to smack his silly face.
mengade.

so thats it for college. other than that particular joker, i love college. its real cool and i enjoy the classes even tho sometimes its a bit boring.

As for life, well. i'm not happy.
I don't expect to be happy.
All the freakin time
Life is like a rollercoaster right?
Can't all be good.
So i'm just going with the flow.
Looking forward to the good times ahead of me, yet to come.

Bad gurl *tsk tsk...

I've not been very good lately...
*sheepishly looking at the gray floor*

I've been a bad bad girl.
And i shouldnt continue this.
So.
I will stop saying bad things.
thoroughly clean up my heart so all that comes out of my mouth is good.
I wanna be good, REALLY!
it just slips sometimes...

Sigh.
I'm trying.
and i'll keep on trying.

So...

Hello new phase in life.

Raffles rocks. Really.
Only 3 classes a week, ten am. I love it i love it.

So here i am to rant and rave about...
NOTHING!
I have absolutely nothing to rant about.
Life's great and going fine and dandy.

Anyway, i have a performance coming up with G4G.
Please go see go see.
However, warning! Christian event but not for Christians only.
Haha don't worry my non-Christian friends, we won't eat u up
*greeeheheee...*
This wednesday 18th Oct 2006, 7pm at Glad tidings PJ.
Dunno? Call me.

I never promised you a rose garden

Upset.
Desensitized.
Frustrated.
Tired.

Nobody said the Christian life was easy.
Hey, its said we're called to a life of suffering.
It's through suffering and persecution that we learn perseverance...
Its through sin that we can learn to be stronger...
to rely on Jesus, be dependent on Him for strength.

2 Corinthians 12:10

10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Sigh.
I know that.
Really i do.
But sometimes its just so hard.
I just wanna give in, give up.
Drop it all and forget it.
I'm just so tired.
tired of trying.

There's this part of me that says, stay on!
Fight the good fight.
Persevere, be patience and depend on God.
He will guide you through this.
And there's the other part that says, ah! forget it lah.
I can't change people.
I can't change circumstances.
Why bother? Just leave it alone.

In my heart, i know exactly what i need to do.
But honestly, i'm really tired.

I beg your pardon,
I never promised you a rose garden.
Along with the sunshine,
There's gotta be a little rain sometimes.
When you take, you gotta give, so live and let live,
Or let go.
I beg your pardon,
I never promised you a rose garden.

I could promise you things like big diamond rings,
But you don't find roses growin' on stalks of clover.
So you better think it over.
Well, if sweet-talkin' you could make it come true,
I would give you the world right now on a silver platter,
But what would it matter?
So smile for a while and let's be jolly:
Love shouldn't be so melancholy.
Come along and share the good times while we can.

I could sing you a tune or promise you the moon,
But if that's what it takes to hold you,
I'd just as soon let you go, but there's one thing I want you to know.
You better look before you leap, still waters run deep,
And there won't always be someone there to pull you out,
And you know what I'm talkin' about.
So smile for a while and let's be jolly:
Love shouldn't be so melancholy.
Come along and share the good times while we can.

I cannot say no...

Relationships.
Its such an old old story.
Everybody has some, some people have none.
And i mean the romantic type.

To cut a long story short, nada.
Right now, i'm single.
Unfortunately, i'm also not available.
*grin*
Not that there is some potential guy around.
There are, but i'm not.
I'm not the potential girlfriend.

Cos i'm just not sure i can be the right girlfriend.
Question after question ring in my mind.
Can i really commit to this person?
Is this person the one?
Can i trust this person to be pure and vice versa?
Does this person share my faith and my fervor for my faith?
Will this relationship last?
Because i really dont want to waste my time with someone i'm not potentially gonna marry.

The thing is...
I'm sure God has someone just for me.
Someone special...
Who's kind and loving, will love me all of my days and whom i'll love and cherish all of my life and more. Who makes me laugh, just with a twinkle in his eye. Who'll put up with my not-so-selfish-ways-anymore and still love me in spite of it. Someone i'll support with all my energy and with all my heart. Most importantly, someone who i can grow old with, someone who will join me in my journey with God as the heart of our relationship.
But knowing that this person is out there...
Just knowing it, makes me abit impatient.
And it doesn't help the fact that i'm lonely
Needing a hug here and there
Just someone to tell me everythings going to be okay
Muss my hair and comfort me.



Today.
I'm reminded of my dearest darling boyfriend, lover and my everything.
Who's always there for me, loves me unconditionally and holds my hand everyday.
Who leads me and guides me.
Picks me up when i fall, and boy, do i fall alot.
He picks me up, brushes the dust off, kisses my hurts better and helps me walk on.
And always has the best intentions for me.
He knows whats best for me.
And he hugs me and i know that i don't need any human person, who's imperfect and sins and disappoint me and hurts me. I don't need a human person to fulfill my life.
Because he can't, no man could ever fill my heart, my life like Jesus can.
Only Jesus can.

And i have been unfaithful.
I gave my heart to a man, made him my everything.
My sun rose and set with him.
It wasn't enough.
It wasn't enough to fulfill me, whatever it was i was searching for belonged in no man's arms.
And i can only imagine how hurt i would be if my husband was unfaithful to me.
In no way, would i ever wish that pain on someone.
And so i've been unfaithful.
I wouldn't forgive me.
But Jesus does, and always will.
Forgives me, loves me all the time, no questions asked.
And as i crawl back to him, broken hearted, dejected and rejected,
i'm amazed at the infinite patience and love he has for me.
At how he's still willing to take me back in his arms and comfort me,
wipe my tears away and heal my heart.

How can i say no?
How can i turn away?
How am i expected to love a mere man, when all this love is there for me?
This moment, the next moments, the coming days, my whole life...
I could never say no...

And this is why i am still single.
This is not the time for anyone else.
Its time for me to be in relationship with the only one i'll ever need.
I can only hope that i can love him as much as he loves me.
And i'll trust him...
And maybe, the right man will come along one day.
And the right time would come by and i would share my love...
But no way would i ever consciously let my heart belong completely to another man now.
I have hopes that God will give me a good man, who understands this and supports it.
Who loves the Lord with all his heart and shares a tiny part of it with me.
Cos that's all i can ask for...

Truth ache

I'm allover aching.
Dance training is always grueling nowadays.
If anyone says they're not sweaty, tired or aching, then they are probably not putting in as much effort as i am *raspberry*

This far in the program, i'm not exactly happy with my progress.
I don't even know whether there's progress.
The instructors tell me,'Oh good. Very good.' and 'Nice, very nice'.
But you're never really sure.
I think i want the deep down hard and dirty critique.
Cos then i know exactly what i'm doing wrong so i can improve that
and exactly what i'm doing right so i can improve that also *grin*

Cos it always seems to me like i'm doing fine.
And other people look at me dancing and they tell me wow i'm a fantastic dancer,
but you never really know whether they're telling u the truth, the absolute truth
or whether they're encouraging you... u know... pushing you on.
Christians like to do this.
Not good.

For me, i'll tell u the truth.
You suck, i'll tell u, 'U suck lah!'
If u look funny, i'll laugh at you and then i'll tell u why its so funny and help you.
If you're good, i'll tell u i'm impressed.
No kissing your butt before it hits the ground anyway.
Cos its TRUE!
Serious.
I'm not the type of girl who would cheer and giggle with you, smile smile and such
then when you're gone, stab u and cut your throat.
Like i always say, if i don't like you...heh...
YOU'LL DEFINITELY KNOW IT.

I'm so glad that there's at least one part of my life where i'm proud to say i'm so honest, it's brutal. I'm not the most honest person in the world. There's nothing i love better than to spice up an interesting story abit. But well, that's changed.

Just the honest, brutal truth.
*heeeee*

Anyone want to buy my rug?

One year ago, i was stressed to the point of psychoness.
Now i'm so free, i really have nothing better to do than press out whiteheads and do facials for myself all day long. *pffft*

And also, i can gladly say that i'm so much a better person than i was when i wrote this.
*YES!!*


============================

Well, thanks for all the prayers people.
Things on the homefront are much better, altho problems are not solved as yet.
The thing is, they like to sweep things under the rug,
push them away rather than deal with them.
And frankly, after 19 yrs of sweeping loads of shit under the rug,
its not working for me.

It just gathers a whole load of dust under there
and its just piling and piling and piling.

And its not gotten me anywhere.
So now...
I have a whole lot of shit that needs to be cleared up.
Not that i'm blaming anyone of course.
I did all the sweeping myself.
But well...the methods could have been better.

And i'm just tired of hiding, running away.
I've found better and easier ways to deal with my problems.
Try facing them and solving them.
Then at least the area under the rug is clear.
And keep on spring cleaning until you don't even need a rug anymore.

*grin*

Help?

I would like to join the mission trip to Myanmar this coming February.
Problem is, no money.
Problem is, have to get tickets by this weekend.
Problem is, about RM900.

I don't have that big enough an amount to pay for it all by myself.
Mum says, nevermindlah, next time lah.
I'm thinking, i'm not going on holiday you know. This IS NOT A HOLIDAY.
Not going for a joyride. I want to go because i can serve.

I have enough for half.
Asked her to pay ahead for the ticket, she won't.
I'm slightly pissed by that.
(okay, maybe cos she's already spending so much for my education, i give her that)
I'm not exactly at wits end yet.
I still have until Friday i guess.
But where oh where can i find a generous enough person to pay ahead close to RM1000 for me.
Sigh. Sometimes this kinda stuff sucks.

*to be continued after i come back from breakdance*

So i'm back.
And someone is buying the ticket ahead of time for me.
YAY!

Now the problem is my mum.
Sometimes i really don't understand her.
Some of her "things" are so ridiculous.
But she's my mum, n i love her.
It's just that sometimes, its real hard to remember that.

Maybe its hard for her to remember i'm not 9 anymore.
I'm gonna be 20, 21 soon.
I mean, you can't be serious?!
Not like i've not shown her i'm independent enough, i know how to take care of myself, i can deal with my money properly, i can handle my own stuff.
I've shown her, she's seen and dammit, she's bragged and boasted about it.

"Oh yeah she's so independent now. She did everything herself.
She can take care of herself well.
At least i know she's not doing bad stuff outside."

Well i think its about time to start acting like you believe it.
Really cheeses me off.

*grrrr*

Growth Chart

You know you can actually read people's blogs and sort of chart their growth throughout the years. Like for instance, me. A couple of friends have mentioned how i've *heh* "matured" since i started blogging 2 yrs ago. And just today, i read another blogger's post on how reading your old posts make you realize how much you've grown or not grown.

And as i go through the usual list of suspects whose blogs i read, i can see how people have grown up, grown past the issues of the issues of the teenage years, into working life, and how they keep growing in the Lord.

Then, i come across several, who month after month repeat the same things over and over again and it seems like they never learn. Really, its that obvious. For me, i like to read people's blogs starting from the very first post until the most recent one. At least then i know some background and style. That's why its so clear to me how some people have just swoooshed on with age, but leaving their minds and hearts back in the tweens. Sometimes i get so bored of reading these blogs, cos they're just going on about the same things ALL the time. I mean, come on, get some variety la. At least have variety in your problems, if you don't have variety anywhere else in your life. Its like sheesh.

As for me, i can only hope there is some, at least a little bit of growth. =) and i keep praying for more.

========================

On a different note, Back in the far away past, was this post.

The amazing thing is, i don't even remember what the argument was about or why i was so angry. Closet? Doesn't ring any bells at all, seriously. I can't remember AT ALL. And usually i would say that sucks, but in this case, i'll let it fly. Cos i'm not sure i want to remember something that made me so angry.

I sometimes really wonder what the heck i was thinking, doing things that i did. Really. It amazes me how stupid i could be.

What kind of blogger are you?

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read. Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few

What Kind of Blogger Are You?

I don't even know what 'pundit' means.

Stab stab stab

The rules:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH are true.
Leave the Fibs alone.
Then, stab 5 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I dont watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
(hehe, you don't even wanna know what i did)
I believe that honesty is usually the best policy.
(i believe it. doesn't mean its easy =)
I curse.
(I'm trying to stop, i swear)
I have changed mentally over the last year.
(at least i hope i did)
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe , free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
(Don't ask me which)
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
(yeah, but which are friends and which are good friends)
I'm currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
(some ONE? is there an option for some TWO or some THREE? Let's just say i'm picky)
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
(ha ha! 6 doesn't count)
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
(past? hmm...how past is past?)
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
(i'm not, but i know a few people who are!)
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
(hmm...define proficient...)
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I somehow enjoyed this thingy !!!
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
(never even been on a diet)
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie...

I stab whoever's reading this.

He always answers

You have questions.
I have questions.

Everyone has questions we want answered.

The thing is, if the question is not asked, then why should it be answered?
Other things like are you asking the right person also matter in asking questions.

I recently had an important question i needed answered.
Does God really speak to us today and how?
How can we really be sure its God?

I asked a friend, who has regaled me with many stories on how God answers.
I understood what was said, but i needed more.
I just wasn't satisfied.

So i set out to search for myself.
I ask more people, i read books, i google.

And in that process of discovery, i realise that...
1. If you don't ask, you won't know.
2. If you don't ask the right person, you won't get the right answer.
3. If you don't want to listen, you won't hear it, even if it's right in front of you.

No its not Google.
after all the frantic typing, i just sat down.
Prayed.
And God answered.
*snap* just like that.
And not only that, He keeps speaking to me everyday.
Its just that, maybe i wasn't willing to listen, maybe i shut my ears...
I can "maybe" alot of things.

But the fact is, i wasn't willing, so i didn't hear.
And now i am, and i hear Him all the time.

I'm actually quite jealous of people who can hear God in an audible voice.
Yes, there are such people, and no it doesn't mean God loves them more than He loves me or you. It just means, God appeals to different people differently, in the way they need to hear.
But oh well, i'm comforted by the fact that as i grow in relationship with God, the more "audible" He'll be in my life.

*grin*

DOA: Definitely DEAD

Dead or Alive. A movie i'd rather have died than seen. What a waste of money.
Please. The girls don't help.
The boobs didn't help.
the abs didn't help.
The stupid fake martial-arts-ass-whupping only made it worse.

Ah yes guys, there are alot of boobs, butts and abs, so if that tickles your fancy...


...don't watch this show.

Really. its so not worth it.
Might as well sit in front of your computer in the comforts of your own home and (fill in the blanks). Hahahaha.

Ahh, dem memories...

I just came back from supper with my restless parents at A&W, which is totally rare. As my dad drove us through pee jay in the dark of the night, i recall many sleepless nights spent there with you, with jugs and jugs of A&W rootbeer, and lots of talking and crapping, just having fun. That was a fun time wasn't it?

We passed the park. Memories from there spring up like ghosts, haunting me. Those were the good days. Funny what your mind remembers and what it doesn't. The bad days seem to pass by in a blur, fast forwarded in my head. I can't even remember any details.

Ah well. Those were our days. I had fun, so did you. Now, the time is not yours or mine, its His.

Recovering Shit

I got my com back with almost all its data! Yay!

The thing about recovering data is that, you might get it back in weird order or you might recover things that you probably don't want to recover. My com died, or at least i thought it did, okay okay, correction! My com went into a coma right after BouncingNinjaTurtle left *talk about great timing* and basically all the people who tried to fix it, couldn't.

I almost lost hope for this one, but i waited patiently for Turtle to come back. And so he did, and he fixed it. But in the process of fixing it, he needs to scan the whole thing and see what he can recover. And he recovered quite alot of stuff. Among the recovered files are things i really wished i never did, wrote, or downloaded. And sad to say, it was all for his looking when Turtle was going thru my stash to check if the pictures, music, movies and such come out okay. Its like when you're 17, you do drugs, you keep a stash hidden away so your parents dont find it. Then u grow up, get a brain, get married and your 17 yr old kid who's staying in your old room finds it and with it, goes thru the whole stash. And you are face to face with all the nonsensical stuff of your past. And you just wish you never did that in the first place.

Well, this is similar. Its almost exactly the same. Now i have to go through all the files and folders and get rid of them slowly. And really, i cringe everytime i see one of those stupid things that i liked, ranging from the mild Forever Friends bears and Charmed, to the darker side of me. *haha, you're not entitled to know*

Isn't it just like life for this to happen? All i can say is...this gives me an opportunity to think about who i was, who i am now, and who i want to be in the future. An opportunity to erase the past *hey, i'm grabbing this opportunity. How often do you get to erase the past?* and start anew, choosing the best from then and moving ahead with it.

Dedication to Addiction (draft one)

Here's a little something thats close to my heart. It's not poetry, i'm not a poet, it's just some random crap i've been thinking of lately, but it says what it needs to, straight from my heart. Sorry about the cursing here and there, just putting a little anger into perspective.

===============

Addiction.
Some people are addicted.
Drugs, slugs, bugs
you name it, they're addicted to it.
Some people are dedicated to being addicted.
Wasting bucks to suck for ----s.
So this is my dedication.
The dedication to my addiction.

To my addiction,
i can only say,
I'm such a sucker.
Like men, those mutha----ers
Men who use women
the giving in and pities
to get their way and what they want.
So Addiction spins his web
and tells his tales
and i willingly walk
into traps i make myself.

I squirm with discomfort
face to face with weakness
'i am human', my excuse
everyone has one
Everyone succumbs
untrue, of course
but i swept the truth
under the rug.

Until now.

One man.
I see he's clean.
Tempting, the scenes
but he never gives in.
He goes straight to the top
and asks for help
And Godly strength is his.
to live out a life
an exemplary life
Showing us
the way to kick Addiction to the curb
But we didn't listen
We were dependent
dedicated to our addiction
So we sent him away
Hung it all like in a closet
and shut the door in his face

But this man.
He had a purpose
To erase the 'addiction' in the sentence.
So he came back
And gave us a chance
to be able to dance
in freedom

This is where it ends,
the story of addiction.
No, not really
for i'm addicted again.
Addicted to the man
saviour of all
the man who became the Addiction
his name is Jesus
and he really did save us
all from dedication to addiction.

Yes yes here i am

Yes, i'm back.
Yes, i'm around.
Sorry the computer sucks and hasn't been working properly.

Well.
That said, i'm back for good for the time being.
And this is my update.
(insert grin here)

Back again, Off again.

Ok people, i've been resting since i got back from Singapore. My legs are thanking me.
Well, i'm off again.
Off to PBA in Cameron's.
Will update after i get back with loads of pics i promise.
----------------------
On a different note, i saw the most patriotic sight several days ago.
It was so patriotic i felt like standing up, cheering and singing the national anthem.

...


It was the national flag on a highway being run over again and again.

Next to some bits of leftover roadkill.
*should have taken a picture, dang*
--------------------------
I want my computer back!
I miss all my photos, photoshop and illustrator.
I missed out on so many jobs.
Could have made lots of money.

huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

Ep6 : Island Escapees

Ep5 : The Invasion

As you would have noticed, i'm too lazy to update anymore. I'll just let the pictures do the talking. These are my grandaunties, (left) number 8 and (right) number 2.

Ep4 : Historical Nature, Natural History

[the singapore river walking tour]
See that behind the bridge? That's the oh-so-famous Fullerton Hotel. I sneaked a peek inside the revolving doors and i quickly walked out after that. I felt so small like a little church mouse inside a grand cathedral. All the ladies walked by with their LV bags and the men were all in suits. Even the bellboys looked grand.
This is the big durian, also called Esplanade theatres on the bay. I was there very early so nothing was happening =([At the Asian Civilisation Museum]